I know it has been a long time since my last entry, and I wonder how many of you faithful readers logged on religiously over the past six weeks awaiting my next meaningful entry. Time f*cking flies, six weeks ago I was blogging in this library in the middle of nowhere in New York, checking out this hot, blonde jailbait of a librarian while doing so, and right now I am back home, on my bed, sipping earl grey from my favourite mug, typing away. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up a different person?

I am still slowly trying to adjust to life back in Singapore, say, for instance trying to get rid off my f*cking American slang and going back to cursing in Hokkien instead of Spanish. If you guys didn’t already know, my Spanish has improved by leaps and bounces over the summer in no small part due to the countless Hispanic colleagues I had at Woodmere, and of course, me being the master of slangs, I now sound like George W Bush (on a good day).

I am also getting used to the idea that the driver’s seat is on the right (and not the left), and as compared to walking and taking the subway, I am now driving more and that is the main reason why I cannot quit cursing in Spanish, or just in general, quit cursing. See, when I drive, there are always these hijo de puta that cut into my lane without signalling, do forty-five on the bloody right lane or just basically trying to f*ck with me. Okay, here we go again, let us talk about something else. Oh, I have resumed cycling as well, and I just realised how much I enjoy it (and how weak my thighs have become). Wind in my hair, Breaking Benjamin in my ears, checking out sluts in heels on the sidewalk, life is truly a breeze.

I lost almost six kilograms while in the States due to a combination of excessive amount of beer, weed and the general aversion to greasy American food. I am still working out, but my routine has changed- no more lifting weight at one in the morning in your boxers and slippers. I am desperately trying to gain the weight I have lost, but like everything else in life, all I need is time.

Another major adjustment I have to make is to realise that Singaporeans, however Americanised, are still Asians, and at the end of the day, we Asians will never be as friendly and spontaneous as them Americans. I was so used to making eye contact and being greeted by random strangers on the streets of New York that I had to slap myself when my flight landed in Hong Kong to remind myself that I was back home, back in Asian, amongst the yellow people with slant eyes. All right, I did make small talk with this cute little airport staff while she walked me to my connecting flight to Singapore (it took all of fifteen minutes). She remarked that I sounded like an American and was much friendlier than most Singaporeans she came across. Then I told her my story and impressed her with my command of Cantonese and till now, even when I close my eyes I can still remember her smile. If only God had given me fifteen minutes more, I am sure I would remember much more about her other physical aspects than just her smile.

One thing I am still not getting used to is the motherf*cking weather. It is f*cking ridiculous how one can work up a sweat walking from the parking lot to his classroom. Eight f*cking grand a year, and an underground parking for less than a hundred cars, seriously, what the f*ck is wrong with SIM management? Plus, too many students, too few lecturers, and opening up such few classes for us to pick, trying to squeeze all of us into as few lecture theatres as possible, thereby resulting in me getting a totally piece-of-sh*t timetable this year (Monday morning, Wednesday afternoon, Friday EVENING, SATURDAY MORNING). But beggars cannot be choosers, I have only got myself to blame. If only I studied my books and not the girls at my junior college…

So, what happens in New York stays in New York, except for herpes of course, they kind of stay with you for quite a while. No, I did not get herpes, as I am one who give the upmost respect to his dick and one who always do a complete ground survey before I stick it into some unknown territory. I have been asked (by my countless horny male friends), so how are American chicks like? Do they really scream your name out loud during intercourse (like in those pornographic videos)? How are they different from Chinese chicks? Well for one, they shave, which is great news for guys like me who enjoy displaying their full range of cunnilingus skills. And just so you know, they have trouble pronouncing my Chinese name when sober, so what do you think when they are drunk and about to come?

In general, chicks in America (white girls, black girls, Hispanic, whose with European parents) have better figures, but at the same time, they are more on the tubby side, which can be quite a challenge in bed for most Asian dudes, but thank God I hit the gym regularly. Then again, one can say it is only because I have yet to encounter a ‘Queen Latifah’. Okay, besides the physical aspect, girls there, like most Americans in general, are all rather friendly. They take the initiative more often, and give the green light much more spontaneously too. You can be sitting alone in a bar watching baseball and they can come up and talk to you. Perhaps it is because of my Asian looks, and as the Japanese saying goes, the nail that sticks out gets hammered, so I do have the niche factor, something which I used very much to my advantage, plus in America, I can be whoever I want as nobody knows my closet(s) of skeletons.

All right, so much for a first entry back home in Singapore. I got to go now, working out and studying before a f*cked-up seven o’clock class on a Friday evening and then some supper and catching-up with the boys. I promise I will try to blog at least once a week from now on, but don’t hold your breath. Till then, have a meaningful and purposeful life.

You know I am a product of my environment.