Okay, as you all know already, I have got my driving license. No big deal- everyone seems to have a license nowadays. But first things first, I do not own a car- I am currently a student. The car belongs to my dad and although it is a Mercedes-Benz, it is a pretty old Class-E (E200). Some of my friends talk as if I drive a Mercedes-McLaren SLR 722, but maybe they meant I drove like I am driving a Mercedes-McLaren SLR 722. It’s all a matter of perspective.

The first person who had the honour of witnessing my driving skills was none other than Ayu, followed by Les. Then my father, before Fungus Dick and Andrew; after that was A K Leong, and lastly, Shrek. All of them had one thing common in their assessment of my skills- they all felt I shouldn’t have passed. Come on, I am a safe driver, right? I do check my blind spots (whenever I can remember), I do signal when I turn (occasionally) and I do not speed (the traffic police has their own interpretation of speeding while I have the ‘The Fast and The Furious’ definition). But no worries, I am NOT an accident waiting to happen, and in all honesty, I have been accident-free in three countries already (Brunei, Australia and Singapore). I am a safe driver, but sorry, giving way is not in my vocabulary.

Well, I beginning to feel that my understanding of Singapore roads is not as perfect as I thought- I spent one hour trying to get from Toa Payoh to Bugis. I lost my way around Nicoll Highway and ended up at Tanjong Katong. Okay, I admit I am no Scofield behind the wheels, but then again, I have been driving for two nights only. Cut me some slack, will you?

As you can see, I am not a player (unlike Lewis Hamilton) - I have not ferried a woman before in my life. And the reason I have been driving around so much is because (other than being such a good driver) the petrol is covered by my father’s company. Now, you know. But I have to say I am still not used to driving the Benz- it is so long and so heavy. And my parking skills need to be improved (dramatically). So, along with my insatiable appetite for good supper, I guess I will be having more of such late nights in the future, honing my driving techniques and satisfying my stomach.

Okay, back to my life off the roads. Sunday was my Grandmother’s and Yinyee’s birthday. Not surprisingly, it was not a joint celebration. Anyway, my aunties and uncles are getting on my nerve remarking about my hair. It is MY hair. Period. If my mum cannot stop me from getting my tattoos, who the hell do you think you are to talk me into trimming my locks? Anyway, later on, I spent a couple of hours witnessing girls’ talk first-hand at Yinyee’s apartment. It was amusing (and boring). All the girls still looked the same after all these years, and I saw BY for the first time since our break-up. There was no bad blood, although the thought of pulling her hair off did cross my mind a couple of times when I looked at her (okay, I am kidding!). I am glad it’s all water under the bridge now, and to quote a Chinese saying, a good horse does not eat the grass behind. I am sure I am no horse, (but whether she is grass or not is debatable), but you get the idea. We have both moved on- I definitely have; but for her, it is up to how you see it.

Anyway, I went to Bukit Timah with Les and Ayu on Monday night. Roti prata and teh-tarik- Ayu’s idea of good food (because it’s cheap). We talked and talked, and after that, we went for a spin before heading home. I have to say Ayu drives totally different from me- he drives like a girl. And incredibly, he felt Les is a safer driver- that’s the under-statement of the year, in my opinion.

Tuesday was spent attending my favourite lecture- Sociology. I have yet to reply her e-mail, but maybe I will do so later on tonight. No, I am a good boy- I have an early class tomorrow, so no driving tonight and it’s been a long time since I had my jog round the neighbourhood to check out the ‘sights’. Anyway, I met Fungus Dick and Andrew at Bugis for dinner, which became supper, because somehow, I managed to get lost in tiny Singapore (read the third paragraph, please). We met up for some more drinks with A K Leong later on at Hougang before I sent all of them home. I proceeded on to take Shrek out for a spin before being rejected by Tigress (it was kind of eleventh and a half hour). Well, driving is beginning to wear me out. It doesn’t seem as fun anymore, and in all honesty, I still prefer being driven around.

On a more serious note, Antonio Puerta of FC Sevilla died earlier in the day after suffering cardiac arrest while playing a game of football three days ago. Like I have said, life is truly fragile. In my limited Spanish, que en paz descanses, Antonio Puerta.

The day I got my license is the day I got my first speeding ticket. 

I was at SSG Liew’s wake yesterday evening. I wasn’t in the best of mood, as all the wakes I have been to in my life, this was the only one whereby I knew the deceased personally. I paid my respect to him, and there he was, mere metres in front of me, yet he felt so far away. What I wanted to tell him no longer has any meaning.

I met many familiar faces though- the officers, sergeants were all there, and so were those who have already finished their service. A K Leong and Fungus Dick arrived late, but they certainly put a smile on my face with their usual nonsense. The feeling was surreal- the last time all of us were together was back in Lakiun, and SSG Liew’s passing brought all of us back together again. I wonder if I would have been as successful if I were to organise a Lakiun gathering. We talked about life, talked about Brunei (inevitably), and we talked about him. I met my Commander, and it brought back fond memories. He brought up the topic of the Youtube videos, but I assured him I have already removed them. He was incredibly polite (like how I remembered him) - no airs at all from a Colonel in SAF is not something you come across everyday. A different setting, a different mood, yet, some things just don’t change, do they?

After that, I went straight to FICO, and it somehow felt different, you know. There were a lot on my mind. And during the three hours there, I gave my all, frankly. My all. Maybe I just needed an outlet to vent my frustration, maybe I just wanted to win too much, or I just simply want to kick somebody. So, I want to apologise to all whose ankles I tried to dislocate- it just wasn’t the usual me (you know I am no Ben Thatcher, don't you?). I won my fair share of games, alright, but I completely ran my lungs out. My legs are still aching as I am typing now. Everything has its price, no?

Anyway, my driving test is less than two days away, and honestly, I don’t see how I can pass, without bribing the examiner. I am screwed. Period. 

I never knew I could cry for a man, until today. I was alighting from the bus this morning, when I got the message from Jackson that SSG Liew has passed away. Right away, tears filled my eyes and images of him filled my head, and I simply couldn’t control my emotion. I know, I may always seem to be fooling around, talking shit on the outside, but I am only human. I can feel sad too- it is just a side I hardly show others. That is why strangers (and people who I do not wish to let into my life) have this image of Guanghui that is not really accurate. And I couldn’t care less.

He left us at 0630hrs in the morning- the time I woke up today. As my eyes opened, his closed, forever. I sobbed alone in one of the toilets at SIM. Suddenly, algebra doesn’t seem that important to me anymore. But after a few minutes, I collected myself and went for my lecture. Life has to go on- I am sure he would want me to. But, all I can see was his face on the screen.

Why couldn’t he wait another day or two? At least I could have said goodbye to him, in person. Maybe he wanted me to remember the healthy, jovial him, not the bald, bed-stricken him. Perhaps things are better this way. He will only exist in our hearts now, and (in the videos) in my hard disk. I can never tell him how much I respected him. It is very hard for SAF regulars to earn my respect, because from what I observed personally, more than half of them are frankly a waste of taxpayers’ money. But not SSG Liew. There are so many stories I can tell you about us, but it doesn’t matter now, does it? Now, there is only one person left who knows the little stories. Honestly, SSG Liew is someone I looked up to, and someone I want my kids to look up to too. I can only say his sufferings are over, and he is in a better place, looking down upon all of us.

And it makes me wonder- at 0630hrs this morning, just before he passed on, did his whole life flashed by in his eyes? Was I that part of his life? Did he think of me before he left? We live to make a difference to other people’s lives, don’t we? It is scary to think, after twenty-two years, how many of the people I know will actually think of me in their dying moments.

Below is a conversation between Jesse and Celine in the film ‘Before Sunrise’.

Jesse: Do you believe in reincarnation?
Celine: Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting.
Jesse: Yeah, right. Well, most people, you know, a lot of people talk about past lives and things like that, you know? And even if they don't believe it in some specific way, you know, people have some kind of notion of an eternal soul, right?
Celine: Yeah.
Jesse: OK, well this was my thought: 50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time. You know, so at best we're like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking... I mean, is that why we're so scattered? You know, is that why we're all so specialized?
Celine: I don't know. Wait a minute, I'm not sure... I don't...
Jesse: Yeah, hang on, hang on. It's a, it's a totally scattered thought. It... which is kind of why it makes sense.

Gone from our sight, but not from our hearts. Always.

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

I just finished jogging.

Good news #1: No chest pain.

Good news #2: Spotted a couple of babes jogging along the same route as me.

Bad news #1: The cough is still bothering me. Badly.

Bad news #2: What the eyes see, the heart desires. Unfortunately.

Goodnight. 

One year ago, this time, I was bidding goodbye to my favourite instructor in Lakiun Camp- Staff-sergeant Liew, as I made my way back from Brunei after my tour ended. One year later, he is now on the hospital bed, waiting to say goodbye to me. The difference is only one year, but what a difference. It makes me realise how fragile life is.

I mean, over the weekend, I watched my team lost to their Manchester rivals at Ayu’s house, but what hurt most was not the defeat; it was the message I got from Jackson regarding SSG Liew’s worsening condition. It puts everything in perspective, frankly. My driving test his coming Monday doesn’t seems that difficult or frightening a task anymore (as compared to fighting for your life). YY’s birthday celebrations this Sunday seems to have more meaning too- how many more birthdays am I going to have? You tell me.

Anyway, we are all supposed to visit him together this Friday evening, but I am nursing a cold, and honestly, I do not know if I will recover in time to be able to see him one last time. Due to his weakened immune system, all it takes is a sneeze from me to infect him with my virus, and in all possibility, kill him. I heard he has lost all of his hair from the treatment he has received, and he has lost a considerable amount of weight too. He used to get gold for his IPPT annually, and was one of the fittest regulars around.

SSG Liew is funny, jovial, but he is also one who takes great pride in his work, and he takes his role as an instructor very seriously. He always plans his briefings the night before, and he gets his points across clearly during his presentation. The one image of him that will always stick in my mind is the one of us bathing together in a river in a remote part of Brunei. That afternoon, the water was clean and clear, the weather was beautiful, and there I was with him- two Singaporean soldiers from totally different backgrounds soaking in the scenery in Brunei of all places. That was in August 2005, when I first arrived in Brunei. It has been almost two years, but in my mind, it seems like it happened only yesterday.

I sometimes wonder what I can actually do for someone who is dying. He is only twenty-eight, and life is seriously unfair. He doesn’t smoke, yet the lung cancer he is suffering from is now in its final stage. What an irony! It goes to show that when God wants you back by his side, there is nothing, no miracle or even all the money in the world, that can delay your journey. For all the technology we Man possess, we still cannot prevent death. Then again, death is what makes us treasure what we have now, makes us do things now rather than later. It also brings with it the magic of life. Like what Achilles once said- ‘Gods envy us because we are mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again’.

I wonder which is harder- dying or watching someone you love die? 

"What the eye sees not, the heart craves not."

-Dutch Proverb 

Frankly, the girls in my sociology lecture simply knocked me off my feet today. I enjoy sociology classes more because of them. Then again, I am not greedy- I am only interested in one of them. And she is none other than the one with brains, the one giving the lecture- Dr Or Lay Ting.

That’s the new GuangHui for you. Ha. 

Can you bloody believe it? On the eve of my one-year anniversary since I departed Lakiun, I got the following mail from my Brunei counterparts in my Youtube inbox:

Guang Hui,

I am the current Signal IC of Lakiun camp, the clips that you upload to YouTube are found out by the management. Please remove it by this Friday, 10 Aug 07. If not action will be taken. Thanks.

Regards
Lakiun Signal IC

So, once again, my past is coming back to haunt me. Well, I just have to say- What took the SAF so long? Seriously, my videos have been up for almost a year now, and there has been no complaint (certainly not from fellow Youtubers, who seems to possess great taste, in hindsight). Now, Big Brother wants to show who’s the boss, all in the spirit of our nation’s 24^th birthday. Wait, let me get this straight- I did not put my videos on Youtube to hide from anyone. Actually, quite the contrary- which makes me wonder the use of the words ‘found out’ here. It’s not like I have been hiding anything- okay, I admit, there are more (and definitely better) videos, but they are on www.thetend.com (three cheers to thetend, brothers!).

Okay, my deadline (dead-literally) is in less then three hours’ time, and I have come up with a few plans to counter this clear invasion of rights and censorship by the Singapore Armed Forces. I am certainly going to do something about my videos, since in the first place, they have the courtesy to ask me to remove them. I have already made some of the videos ‘private’, so only my friends (on Youtube) can view them. Coincidentally, SAF is not one of my friends (laugh out loud please). Therefore, I have sent out invitations to all on my hotmail address book to become my friend.

As a matter of fact, I have replied to this person who calls himself j54wolf on Youtube. I have politely (I am born polite) ask him to clarify which videos to remove, because apparently not all videos are illegal. Anyway, I do not quite understand which videos SAF did not quite enjoy viewing, since all the videos have no violent or sexual contents in them and has been approved by Youtube.

I’m thinking- are they going to charge me if I don’t remove the videos of me in Hong Kong talking to myself along Avenue of Stars? What are they going to do next- close down my blog? The Big Brother has unlimited resources and friends in (very) high places. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Foo of shit gave me an idea today- I can delete the videos, lay low, and then a few months later, using another nickname and e-mail address, upload all the videos all at once onto Youtube, Yahoo! Videos, crunchyrolls etc. No, I am just kidding. I will never do such a thing to ridicule the very elite of my country’s armed forces- those sitting behind desks, occasionally giving speeches while waiting for the 10^th of every month to collect their fat pay checks (I have to say I saw quite a few of these elites present at the parade ceremony on television just now). In all honesty, I would never do such a thing, would I?

The clock is ticking, and j54wolf (aka Lakiun Signal IC) has yet to reply my e-mail. Do I really have to remove all my videos because of one e-mail? I’m going to wet my pants in no time.

Remember, remember, the ninth of August, the SAF Youtube censorship and plot. I know of no reason, why the SAF Youtube censorship should ever be forgot. 

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages." 

You guys must be wondering why this entry is like two days late. Well, I have been kind of busy (I am now a student, as you can see), and I have been feeling a little under the weather since I got back from Bintan (I termed this the Back to Shitty Singapore (BSS) syndrome). I spent the whole of Monday lazing around, and finally picked myself up for school today.

Anyway, I am much better, and so much happened the three days I was away from sunny Singapore. Let’s start with Singapore- nothing much except my best mate Ayu may have finally settled down with this girl he fancies. I wish him all the best, and most importantly- no regrets. Well, I no longer have to give an Oscar-winning performance to his mum  everytime I go his house, since we all know Ayu is now ‘attached’.

And in dear Hungary, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso are seriously going for each other’s throat, with the latter trying his earnest to sabotage his ‘team mate’ during qualifying for the Hungarian Grand Prix. It cannot get anymore obvious (unless they throwing punches ala Bowyer-Dyer in their next race) that these two guys want each other dead (we should put them in a WWE ring- it sure as hell will sell tons of seats). Meantime, we can only wait for the drama to unfold in their next race.

Finally, we go to Bintan- with me, Les, Benitez and WJ stuck in a room for three days, shit is bound to happen. Anyway, the first day was spent checking the place out and playing cards in the room. I shared a bottle of vodka, a pack of Marlboro and some heart-to-heart conversation with WJ till two in the morning. It was worth the damages to my lungs and liver.

On day two, we went snorkelling, enjoyed some beach volleyball afterwards and then saw some kayaking action before rounding it off with a round of two versus two beach soccer. Snorkelling was fun- it was a first, and I especially enjoyed watching the fishes swim about the reefs (I succeeded in smacking one with my flippers). Anyway, I have been watching too much Discovery Channel- I thought snorkelling without a life jacket will be a piece of cake (as this will allow me to dive down and smack the fishes even harder). But boy was I wrong- I nearly drowned after ten minutes trying to stay afloat without any help. With my tails between my legs, I proceeded back to the dive shop to get my life jacket. I tell you, swimming with those underwater currents is no easy feat.

After some beach volleyball, we proceeded to use the kayaks as bumper cars- paddling at high speed towards each other to try to knock the other party into the water. It was fun! And unbelievably exhausting! That night, we were all seriously dead-beat- the day’s activities had taken its toll on us. We skipped the clubbing scene and had an early night. Les was particularly upset about this- the player in him was bitterly disappointed at not being able to spread some love to the locals. Ha.

Anyway, I had my very first massage of my life the next day (stop laughing, it’s a clean massage, dickheads). For your information, I have a very low tolerance to itch- some girls will know what I’m talking about. Anyway, I told the Indonesian lady to go easy on me, and she tried, but I still find it incredibly itchy (especially around the abdomen and thigh regions) and at one point, even she was giggling at my apparent awkwardness. Well, that was it and we all went back to Singapore after that.

So, that was the end of Operation Bintan- I tried to be as brief as possible. And sorry I couldn’t update my fans on my blog because apparently in tiny Bintan, the broadband connection cost an astonishing S$12.00 an hour and S$35.00 a day.

Anyway, let’s end this entry on a more sombre note- I was chatting with the three members of Operation Bintan on the way back from Tanah Merah, and we were saying- for all of Beckham’s fame and fortune, he cannot get his divorced parents to reconcile (the same goes fro Jay Chou). It sounds ridiculous, but in this day and age, money still cannot buy you everything in life. So, treasure what you have- for when you lose it, nothing in this world is going to bring it back, not even a million dollars. 

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.