Okay, I know you know my examinations ended last Thursday, but I have been so f*cking busy, no sh*t. So busy that I only got to know Michael Scofield died this morning (although the Prison Break two-hour finale was like last Friday). A thousand apologies nevertheless, and I do have a ton of sh*t to tell you, my faithful fans and friends.

I met my beloved primary school classmates straight after my final paper, and we did the usual catching up and sh*t. Honey is still Honey, forever mysterious, forever vague in her answers. But for a change, I saw a truly happy JT who is finally blissfully in love. Well, every couple has their rough patches, for JT, it came rather early but I am glad that those days are behind her now. Anyway, the whole time during our dinner, MM and Honey were like matchmaking JT and I, simply because they only just discovered that she was always confiding in me when she was having problems with her relationship the past few months. Well, you know me, I am always there for my friends (pussies and penises alike), no questions asked. But the thing is, I don’t date friends. See, I am one who firmly believes in love at first sight, so it is either I am instantly attracted to you at the very moment our eyes first meet (Miss Y, Tattoo Girl, Megan Fox, Maria Sharapova et cetera) or I see you as just another specimen from the opposite gender and classify you under the ‘friends’ category. So now, you ladies know that with me, there is only one shot at a first impression.

Speaking of Miss Y, I was msn-ing ZZZ the other day (after our initial hiccup, I am beginning to feel more at ease conversing with her nowadays, a case of familiarity breeds comfort) and I confessed to her about my crush on her good friend. As much as (a player) like me relishes a challenge, my love for Miss Y is pure and true and I would never f*ck with her happiness. Like Chuck, I am honest enough to know that I am not what the lady needs right now, so I will stand aside and let her find her happiness with Donut Boy. Chuck and I are living evidences that even a player has a heart.

Next up, HL, and she was totally the sweetest of them all. You know what, she actually wrote me this beautiful card as a farewell gift (for Operation ABJ). Let me see, when was the last time I got a card… Oh, I remember now, it was during the soccer match where my team thrashed some amateur asses, and guess what? The card was yellow. Anyway, HL was saying that with me, change is the only constant. Well, I would not entirely disagree with her, but it is just that I feel I am one who is rather adaptable, one who chooses to be a product of my environment. Take for instance me picking up and quitting smoking- there was not really any solid reason behind either cases. I know my friends were shocked when I started smoking, but they were even more shocked when I decided to kick the habit- show me a boy who can quit smoking at the age of twenty-three, and I will show you a boy of character.

Change, I like change and I love surprises, both giving and receiving. Once upon a time, I could not quite understand why people actually pay to get lung cancer, but after being one of them for more than two years, I come to understand that certain things are just the way they are. Once upon a time, I could not help staying out of love, but now, I cannot understand what is the big deal about being a relationship (free blowjobs notwithstanding). Once upon a time, I enjoyed drinking my own body weight, but for the past twelve months, the only alcohol I consume is rum-flavoured ice cream from Swensen’s. Once upon a time, I could not care less about my studies, but as the past three months has shown, I can display the same level of dedication and commitment as Wayne Rooney and Ji-Sung Park combined.

Now, finally, there is Best Agent Ever. We have been texting/talking/msn-ing way too much for our own good lately, but as I have mentioned in the previous paragraph, certain things just cannot be helped from turning out the way they are meant to be. Well, we talked about every deluded c*nt under the sun (okay, I may have exaggerated, there is just one deluded c*nt we talked about), and perhaps she is right, I should learn to live and let live, just a little bit. Speaking of which, XP remarked the other day that actually, Nala and I are not so different. Upon hearing that, I very nearly did a Cashley Cole and swerved off the f*cking road. I jammed the brakes just in the nick of time and afterwards, I told XP in no uncertain terms to ‘get the f*ck out of my car’. Okay, I was just kidding. I mean, if I actually did that, then wouldn’t I have proved XP right by being as petty as Nala (talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy). Anyway, for the safety of other road users, I made XP promise never to mention Nala and me in the same sentence ever again.

Well, Best Agent Ever was kind of judgemental when it comes to guys (for obvious reasons), and me being one of those she judges, I kind of felt it was my duty to educate her. I mean, I do know I am judgemental at times myself, but she is taking it to a whole new level. At least I bother to give others a shot at a first impression, for her, it is like, just one look, and that’s it, you are a player, you worship Edison, you enjoy making porn in your bedroom. Like I have said, people change, and I suggested Best Agent Ever stop living in the past and learn to embrace the idea that people can actually become different with time. There are certain things I cannot say, so I just want to add that perhaps with time, and given the right opportunities, she can find what she is looking for.

Good luck, my newfound friend, we both know you will need it.

You know I know who you really want to marry.

Gossip Girl never fails to provide me with material to blog about. Two weeks ago (in the ‘Southern Gentlemen Prefers Blondes’ episode), Nate and Chuck (two best friends) were sitting alone at a bar discussing Blair (a girl whom both of them were into). Not to bore you (i.e. those who do not follow GG) with the details, Chuck was telling Nate in order to love Blair, he must love her for who she is. She may change over time, but still, if the desire remains strong enough, he will still love her for who she is no matter what happens, and is exactly why I am totally against trying to change the other party (when in a relationship). No matter if the girl is Miss Y or Megan Fox, I will still be the same GuangHui, I will still blog in my pseudo-Edison-Chen persona, I will never change my religion and I will love her for who she is, on my own terms, and hope she loves me for who I am as well.

In this week’s episode ‘The Wrath Of Con’, Chuck did the most amazing thing ever- he gave up Blair so that she could be with Nate. See, in Blair’s heart, Chuck has always been number one, and they have always been like a pseudo-couple. They both loved each other deeply, but Chuck is inherently an American version of Edison Chen, and he knows he will never be able to give up his player lifestyle for Blair, even though she is the only girl he ever cared about. Blair, for her part, wanted to be with Chuck, as he understands her flaws like he understands his own, and is willing to love her for who she is, instead of trying to mould her into the woman he wants to love, which is what Nate is doing (besides, Nate is stable but boring, Chuck is player-ish but intriguing). So, you understand Blair’s dilemma and throughout the whole of season two, Blair was trying to move on with Nate, but Chuck was always right beside her, acting like he cared.

Anyway, Blair was telling Chuck this time round, she wanted an answer from him, if he really loved her and more importantly, whether he really wanted to be with her. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she said that if he really wanted to, they could be together and they would just figure things out along the way. It was f*cking touching, yet Chuck being the player that he is, was totally accustomed to girls and their use of tears as emotional blackmail. Well, he simply looked her in the eyes and said in the coolest possible manner, ‘it’s just a game’. Blair wiped her tears away, thanked Chuck for setting her free and left for Nate’s embrace. Later, a friend who overheard the whole conversation questioned why he did what he did. ‘Because I love her, and I can’t make her happy’ Chuck replied dryly, with a tone of regret in his voice.

Well now, even a player can have a heart, and even a player can learn to sacrifice himself for the happiness of the one he loves. Put me in Chuck’s shoes, I wonder what I would have come out of my mouth. Like Chuck, I can be totally nonchalant, but unlike him, I am not very good at rejecting girls, not lest the girl I truly love. Had it been Nameless or Miss Y or any one of the half dozen girls I dream about every other night, I doubt I would be able to say ‘sorry my dear, but right now, I have more important things to do than to let a pussy distract me from my plans’. It takes courage to utter the three words with eight letters, but if you ask me, it takes much more than courage to say goodbye to the one you love.

I feel for Chuck, but at the end of day, somebody has to get hurt, and why not let it be the one who most deserves it? Haix, once again memories come flooding back and my emotions have got the better of me. I have so much on my mind right now, and though I would love to tell you guys all about it, I desperately need to sleep for I have a full day of mugging coming up tomorrow. I am going to lie in bed now with my thoughts, with nothing but my thoughts.

You know I may be a cynic of happily-ever-afters, yet deep down I want to believe she really exists.

So, I just got rid of my accounting paper yesterday afternoon. Well, how I missed Expo. It is like this annual affair with a beautiful lady. As the majestic halls came into view as I pulled in on Shrek’s ride, it kind of reminded me of the memories I had last year. To tell the truth, those memories were not all that great, because it was all some eleventh-hour ‘hugging the Buddha’s leg’. See, last year, I was Dimitar Berbatov when it comes to effort, but this time round, I am a combination of Ji-Sung Park, Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez. I can still remember the night before my economics paper, spending the night at Shrek’s place, staying up the whole night trying to make up for a year’s of laziness and downing a couple of cans of Red Bull before heading into the examination hall like a zombie. I did not fail, but then again, it was still a sh*tty feeling.

On the way home after the paper (in Shrek’s car), I was feeling kind of empty, you know, and I was telling him and texting Best Agent Ever (we text a lot this days, more on that later) about it. Why empty? Because my preparation for this particular module (accounting) did not start a week or the night before the examination, but instead, it started the first week of class way back in September. I can still recall sitting alone at McDonald’s till two in the morning, trying to figure out the prudence and matching concepts, cracking up head over endless tutorials and assignments. Then, in a little more than three hours, all the time, effort and sacrifices I made were gone just like that. It is like putting in weeks of time and effort into courting this beautiful chick you got to know from Velvet, and then after three hours of fornication playing Monopoly and it’s all over. You know, that empty feeling as you lie on the bed panting, wondering if all the sh*t you did for her was worth the three hours of pleasure? Yes, that empty feeling.

Anyway, I have tons of things to tell you fine people. My next paper is five days away and I am pampering myself a little today- waking late, reading the papers, basically having some ‘me’ time. I am in school now with my study buddies, but while they are busy mugging away, I am blogging on my laptop and eyeball raping this girl sitting at another table opposite me. I plan on going to gymnasium later, and speaking of which, did I tell you there are some really annoying assholes in the school gymnasium? See, there is this guy, Justin, who talks to himself when working out. Wondering how I got to know his name? Because while working out, the c*nt shouts sh*t like ‘come on, Justin!’ and ‘one more, Jus the man!’ to himself.

And you know what’s the funny thing? He only yells to himself when there are vaginas in the gym. There was this one time I was alone with him working out in the morning and he was all quiet, as silent as the Emirates stadium (after I scored the third goal on a breakaway counter attack which featured Mister Wayne and the Korean long distance runner). But the other day, there were like these two pussies on the treadmill, and he was very obviously trying to grab their attention with his ‘Jus the man’ sh*t. You know I simply had to do something to save myself and the two ladies from further aural punishment.

So, the next time he started screaming his own name, I stopped my workout, walked to the bench next to him, and looked him straight in the eye via the mirror reflection. Then I gave him a seductive smile (something I usually reserve for chicks on Phuture’s dance floor) and licked my lips (something I learnt from the chicks on Phuture’s dance floor). I swear to God he stopped mid-sentence (‘you can do it, Jus the…’) when he noticed me trying to eyeball f*ck him (via the mirrors) and he almost dropped the dumbbells on his toes. From that moment on, he never opened his mouth again in the gym, at least not when I am around. Once again, I has to put my reputation on the line to save the day, but to quote Ben Parker, with great power comes great responsibility, so it is not that a big deal actually, even if I am now known as the gay lord eyeball-f*cker-of-guys in the SIM gymnasium.

They say when you lose a good friend, another one shows up unexpectedly elsewhere. So I lost Nala, but along came Best Agent Ever. As you already know, we two having been texting each other a lot lately, but you know me, I will not entertain people (especially girls) I do not want to. Anyway, it is always a pleasure talking to her, simply because I can be myself when I am with her. Contrary to my first impression (and her close association with Nala), she is not at all petty and she pretty much takes everything I say in her stride. To tell you the truth, off the back of my head, I can only quote you the names of half a dozen girls whom I can truly be myself with, so I have to say Best Agent Ever is a rarity.

Anyway, it is about time I head for the gym. Hopefully, Justin will be there- I am so looking forward to eyeball f*cking him again.

You know I would do anything to get what I want (including tarnishing my own reputation).

And then there was the swine flu, the Mexican flu, whatever the f*ck flu. First, the Singapore Armed Forces threatened to derail my Operation ABJ, and now this. To tell you the truth, I would not be surprised if a couple of dumbass birds flew into my plane’s engines while on route to JFK, forcing it to land on the Hudson River or something. Seriously, I am beginning to think God is testing my determination in obtaining the blowjob I so very crave for. But, you know me, nothing is going to stop me from doing what I want, not some influenza virus, not even God himself.

I have always lived my life on my own terms. See, Best Agent Ever was rather worried my mum would be reluctant to let me go (to New York), but I pretty much laughed off her suggestion (or perhaps she was trying to get an opportunity to talk to my mum, who knows?). Well, for the past twenty-four years of my life, my mum has tried to control me, but she has never once succeeded, and these days, she has simply given up trying. She wanted me to go to Chinese High after my PSLE, but I was very much against the idea of parading my (sexy) leg hair for the next four years of my pubescent life, plus putting a budding player in an all-boys school would be akin to instructing Ronaldo to track back- it is never going to happen.

And you know what, I only told her three weeks before I was due to fly that I just volunteered for an eighteen-month stint in Negara Brunei Darussalam. She totally went mental on me. Now, close your eyes and picture my mum at the airport sending me off to some God-forsaken forest in the middle of nowhere. The mayhem that ensued at Terminal Two was straight out of a Hong Kong drama serial, I tell you. It was only when the police officers at the gate threatened to arrest her did she stop trying to detach my arm from my shoulder. Mothers… They are all kind of like Angela Petrelli, aren’t they?

Anyway nowadays, she has been brainwashing me to get a girlfriend because apparently, both my dad and her want a grandkid (hence the Estima, and not an Accord or a Camry). So, she went mental once again when I told her about my ‘thirty-five’ plan. Therefore, you can see this swine flu thing is just a stroll in the park for me. Come on, people have died from staying at the wrong hotel in Mumbai and consuming f*cking Indian Rojak, you know what I mean. Sometimes, death, like love, simply cannot be avoided. Once it seeks you out, you are absolutely at its mercy. So, reach for the stars, chase your dreams, ask that tall, dark, mysterious guy (whose blog you have been reading daily) out for dinner, do whatever you want while you still can, and most importantly, do all of it while jumping in with two feet first. This, my friend, is the beauty of life.

You know life is like writing without an eraser.