Today (31^st May) is the World No Tobacco Day. Just thought you lot who are looking to die of lung cancer ought to know.

I’m clean, by the way- SIX months and counting.

Yeah, eat that, smokers.

Only after the last tree has been cut down,

Only after the last river has been poisoned,

Only after the last fish has been caught,

Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.

-- Cree Indian Prophecy

*Was reading National Geographic when I came across this superb quote, which finally truly convinces me that saving the planet starts with me, and it starts today. There is only ONE Earth- and no, not even earning your first million will change that.

*Goal number 42, should have scored the penalty but the ball was wet

  and it swerved a little just as I was about to kick it. But champions

  nonetheless. I am fantastic!

So, it’s been a good 10 days since my last meaningful entry. 10 days- my blog has never taken a longer vacation. Anyway, I want to say a big thank you to all my fans out there who still visit my blog religiously (the last time I checked I average 24 hits a day for the past week)- yes, I know everyone loves Guanghui. Then again, the one Guanghui loves doesn’t always necessarily love him back- like I’ve said, even the Man of Steel can have his heart broken by Lois Lane. I am only human, my friend.

On a brighter note, I am currently halfway through my examinations and this time next week, I should be preparing for my last paper, Introductions to Business Management, which is ironically my most hated (and worst) subject, given that I am a business student. Anyway, my thoughts will be spilt between my studies and my Portuguese friend and his team in red in Moscow next Wednesday- cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Okay, my first paper was last Thursday, Principles of Economics. You see, SIM-UOL holds its annual examinations over at Expo due space constraint at our own campus. Plus this year’s intake of year one is larger than usual due to the ‘little dragon ladies’ (those girls born in the year of the Dragon in the late eighties), so for my Economics paper, there were approximately 2,500 students packed into Expo Hall I that fateful Thursday morning (note: fateful). Now, allow me to refresh your memory a little (10 days is a long time to some) - my blog has always been about this young Singaporean girl who made me believe in love at first sight. I nicknamed her ‘Miss Y’- please read all my entries from September onwards and you will have a better picture after that.

If you can recall, seven months back, I did blog about Miss Y giving me irregular heartbeats during class, and I prayed that she wouldn’t be sitting beside me during my examinations. So, guess who was sitting beside me last Thursday? Yes, Miss-f*cking-Y. I mean, come on, what are the bloody odds? Out of 2,500 seats, she has to occupy the one next to me? Well, well, well, God is certainly trying his utmost to screw up my Economics paper by putting the mother of all distractions beside me for three straight hours. Honestly, if I had looked at her anymore, the invigilators would certainly have suspected that I was trying to read some economics formulas from her facial expressions. Anyway, she looked kind of jaded- must have been the late night studying. Or has she been feeding donuts to that c*nt for supper? Either way, I wouldn’t want to know.

Anyway, our common friend, Al, has asked me to go to Ang Mo Kio library to study with Miss Y and her friends. You would not believe this, but I rejected Al on the spot. I mean, how am I supposed to learn anything with the girl of dreams sitting opposite me, my heart in my mouth and my pee on my pants? That said, Ang Mo Kio is a tad too far for me- the furthest I am willing to go is Terminal 3. Then again, how can I compare Miss Y with JT?

Now, for some personal updates. I have been rather busy with, erm, my books (what else?). Life truly sucks when it’s midnight and you are alone at McDonald’s with your cup of Long Black, a stack of notes and some Class 95 Loves Songs Confidential. So, we won the EPL- should I be surprised? We are Manchester United Football Club, we are expected to win our domestic title every single year (and we do not need to go around saying ‘this is our year’ and sh*t). Now, Moscow beckons. And oh, I had a new haircut, and a new colour too. No specific reasons, just that studying seriously bores the sh*t out of me and I wanted to find something to do.

And as for my past three papers, I have been studying for them over at Shrek’s place. Yeah, it’s kind of nice spending some time away from home, with someone I can really talk to. Now, if you guys are thinking of some Brokeback sh*t going on between Shrek and I, you guys cannot be more wrong- he has a girlfriend of six years plus (yes, you read it right, SIX years). And I thought all relationships go stale after six weeks. It’s nice studying together, and then having a break and talking about his relationship problems over supper- it’s certainly a breath of fresh air over what is usually on my mind. And no, I do not see myself being in a six-year-old relationship with another woman. Not yet, anyway.

Speaking of which, over the past week, I have managed to clear things up with JT. Well, we sort of thrashed it out, and I’m really glad we both reached the same conclusion collectively. I have to admit she understands me much better than I previously thought, but at the end of the day, timing is everything. Anyway, she is happy now, I am happy now, we’re great friends, so why change anything? ‘Let it be’ is my position, and I prefer to leave it to fate. You can see it as I am trying to escape, but honestly, we are both happy with the way things are currently. I already have Miss Y- what more do I need?

Lastly, my laptop crashed and refused to boot over the weekend- this entry was supposed to be done by Sunday night. This is the first time it has suffered such serious software problem, and unbelievably, it is not caused by some virus from pornography websites, but by Windows XP Service Pack 3. Amazing, isn’t it? It was supposed to correct some flaws in the operating system from the previous Service Pack 2, yet somehow, it manages to screw things up big time. My advice to you- DO NOT install Service Pack 3. So, it cost me fifty bucks and 3 days to get it fixed, and just in case you ladies out there are worried about another ‘Kira’ out there distributing your pieces of art online, no worries- I have encrypted everything. And I have backed up the photographs as well, so there are still available for my viewing pleasure.

Anyway, I spent one whole night trying to reconfigure and personalise my formatted laptop- from my MSN font to my desktop background to my internet explorer favourites. So, now, things look the same, but somehow, they feel different- you know what I mean? It’s like using glue to piece back together a broken vase- it may look the same, but look closely and you would notice the scars. Just like relationships- after certain things have taken place, no matter how hard you try to fix them, things will never ever be the same again.

Well, if only we can all format our memory (ala Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) just like how we format our hard disks? Wouldn’t we be spared a whole lot of pain? Wouldn’t things be a whole lot simpler then?

If only.

I really didn’t have any intention of blogging any serious stuff over the next couple of weeks (due to my examinations), but sad to say, on this very night, my emotions overcame me, and my heart, and not my head, dictates my actions. Fate, as always, has a way of reminding you of certain things you thought you have left behind a long time ago.

So, I was surfing the net and MSN-ing a couple of friends, you know, my typical night activities. I was randomly playing some music on my laptop, and then as I was about to sleep (close to midnight, as I am now Cinderella), this song called “The Rose” by Westlife came on. To you, it’s just another sad love song by another boy-band written to sell another album. But to me, it’s ‘our’ song. You see, it was Wina’s favourite song. Naturally, I thought of her. And one peek at the calendar shows it’s third of May- it’s been exactly a year since I have last seen her. Funny thing was, there were 1,776 songs on my current playlist, and on this very night, five minutes before I was about to go to bed, my thoughtful laptop chose to play this song. What are the odds? Do you believe in coincidence, because honestly, I don’t.

I find myself mumbling the lyrics to the song, lyrics which I thought I have long forgotten. Well, certain things just cannot be forgotten, can they? Well, I wanted to see if I have forgotten how I felt on this very day last year, so I clicked on my blog and read the entry I have written for her on 3^rd May 2007. I can still feel my emotions then- I was just so very sad to see her go and I was wondering when I would see her again. One year on, I am still wondering when I would see her again, but I am no longer sad. Maybe time really is a healer of all wounds, maybe it’s just me. I just felt we were not meant to be- everything was against us, from timing, to language, to family etc. And I felt I have given my best to her (like I have in all my past relationships), but still, fate has it that we were not meant to be together. I am always one who understands clearly that effort does not determine the outcome of a relationship (not unlike a soccer match). It’s not like an examination or something- you can only give so much and pray to God it works. That is why ‘not meant to be’ has always been a motto of mine when my past relationship ended, and perhaps that is why I move on faster than most.

Please do not mistake this for a ‘player’ attitude, although most of you would think that is just so me. Seriously, I beg to differ. You may find me nonchalant and indifferent and all right now, well, that’s because I am single and I have nothing to lose by possessing this attitude. But when I am attached, I promise you nonchalant is the last word you would associate with me. If I were to tell you what I did, it would most likely make you envious and put your current boyfriend to shame- trust me. No, I am not pimping myself to you ladies out there, but frankly, those four girls whom I have been with, they should know I have always tried my best to make things work (I know my blog is rather personal, but still, there are certain things that are only meant for two people to share). So, this ‘I have given my all and tried my best’ attitude allows me to walk away with my head held high, and most importantly, with no regrets.

So you may wonder, why is it that I still always give my all in my relationships, even though I know that it will not guarantee anything. Firstly, this allows me to be tell myself that since I have tried my best and still it didn’t work out, thus I am not to be blamed. Secondly, like I have mentioned above, it frees me of any guilt and regret, and enables me to move on with the minimum amount of fuss. Lastly, doing everything in my power to make her happy also makes it almost impossible for her to find a new guy to fill my shoes. I mean, the things I do for a girl, not many guys can do. So, the egoistic me can sleep soundly at night knowing I was the best boyfriend she ever had and she is the one living with tons of regrets and not me.

To me, things always happen for a reason, say, when Beckham left the greatest club in the world, or when my pet hamster died, or (in the context of this particular entry) when Wina and I broke up. I have moved on and I am as fine as can be, but still, I do hope to see her again- no, not to rekindle our romance or anything, but just to see her, as a friend, and see that she is happily leading her own life. And maybe to lesser extent, the more selfish part of me would want to show her that I am happy without her, that my future lies with someone else and not her, and that she lost me and I had lost nothing from not being with her.

Anyway, I just wrote her a rather touching letter (and I would sent it to her first thing in the morning) that would in all possibilities bring her to tears. Well, that’s part of the plan, isn’t it- to make her regret and cry herself to sleep while here I am, smiling in my dream. Well, so much for tonight, and I certainly hope I won’t be writing another emotional entry about her on 3^rd May 2009.