That’s Chow Yun-Fat’s famous line in The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End trailer. Anyway, it’s hard to imagine the chubby, young Chinese fellow whom I saw on God of Gamblers when I was ten is now actually playing a Pirate Lord in a Hollywood Blockbuster ten years on. Simply unbelievable. Sometimes, everything just works out for somebody.

Take David Beckham for instance. He has already made millions of people eat their words, the latest being his coach at Real Madrid FC. Next in line, England manager Steve McDonut. I can already picture in my mind the English newspaper screaming with the headlines “ComeBeck inspires Three Lions to victory” this coming weekend. It’s Beckham’s life. It’s a fairytale. Life is unfair. Suck it in, all you Titus Brambles out there.

Had my day off today- went out to buy something for Sayang and then had dinner at Burger King with Ayu before going for 170 minutes of Pirate’s action. I have to admit it was way better film than the second one. Its plot was better, the lines more understandable (but the character Tia Dalma still spoke like she has got a toilet roll in her mouth) and the fighting more exciting. Not forgetting the presence of my stunning ex-girlfriend Kiera Knightley. But the only reason I was there with Ron was to catch Captain Jack Sparrow (never fail to impress me), and also to watch (in disbelief) Captain Sao Feng utter the three famous words.

Then again, it’s just another movie, just another day. I will be back to work later today, and I am already looking forward to my next off next week. Ocean’s Thirteen it shall be. With tigress. Hopefully. Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.

Today is the fourth day in a row which I have not worked. And I am seriously starting to enjoy it. I do admit my bones are getting lazier, and I have been sleeping something like fourteen hours a day the past two days. I love having my beauty sleep. Sleeping is my hobby.

There is a problem or two at my working place, and it concerns me. It always concern me, whether when I’m playing soccer, in Lakiun or my workplace, there will always be some arseholes I cannot stand. And there will be conflicts, and people will talk. Without elaborating more, let’s just say that person is one of the reasons why I am still in this job. He wants me out, tries to get me fired, but to no avail. Everyday I am present, I am pissing him off. And nothing pleases me more than seeing him pissed. To put it simply, I have to outlast him, at least until my school starts in July. If I leave, I lose. And I don’t like to lose. So, when I go back to work, there will be some explanation needed for my absence these four days. I am fairly confident of scheming my way through things.

Today was superbly boring. Spent the whole day at home- on the net, doing the dishes, helping my mum with mopping the floor, cleaning up my room, and sleeping, of course. Yesterday was more interesting, as I had one hell of a soccer game with Ong Bak, Benitez (previously known as Ben the Man), and Ah Liang. Les didn’t turn up due to some mystery calf injury. And coincidentally, we had our best results in a long while- we managed to get four straight wins. Ong Bak was simply overjoyed- he is a born sore loser, so you can understand his joy when he wins. After that, I had dinner with family in the evening, and went home to sleep. Simply drained. The four games (I bet we were on the court for at least an hour and a half continuously under the afternoon sun) really took its toll on me. Even right now, as I am typing, my lower back and thighs are still sore. I’m getting old…

Was surfing the net for quite a while today. Chanced upon some interesting stuff, like the 1999 Champions League Final, which was simply inspirational, even though this was the umpteenth time I had viewed it (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=search_videos&search_query=man%20utd%20bayern%20final&search_sort=video_view_count&search_category=0). And there is already a Spiderman 4 website, and fans are discussing possible plots and villains already (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0948470/). For me, as long as Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst are still there, I will be looking forward to the film.

Speaking of which, Kirsten Dunst is a smoker. So was Stefanie Sun. Do you know any celebrities smokers? As for myself, I have not touched a cigarette in two days (I have no craving or side effects whatsoever). It goes to show that with the suitable environment and sufficient motivation, I can stop. I can choose when to stop. So can you.

Little did I know that what happened between a girl and me could have such serious consequences on someone else’s life. And I only knew about this last night. Okay, let me elaborate. As most of you who know me knows, SY and me didn’t exactly break up under the best of circumstances- I left her for BY. Yes, it’s my fault. I am sorry for the way things ended. But, I have my reasons I left her. It’s not just BY, I mean, looking back, I could have left SY for any other girl. It’s because of the simple fact that I no longer see how SY and I can have a future together. You know, there are some relationships whereby the longer you are in it, the more realise you two really just are not meant to be together. It’s not like I woke up one morning and decided that SY is not the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. So, things happen. Things always happen.

So, there is this other friend, Dar, a common friend of me and SY and Les. Only last night did I come to know that he is in fact very much in love with SY when the latter was with me. I didn’t have a single clue. So, after the break up, I never saw Dar again. I thought he was just too busy with university to come and join our weekly Sunday soccer game. Then last night, me and Les and the rest of the guys went to this place to play soccer (near my Junior College). And Dar was there when we arrived. Seeing me, he picked up his stuff and he left. He simply took off without saying anything. I knew something was up.  After the game, I spoke to Les, and he told me it was because of SY. It’s incredible! I mean, just incredible! What happened between me and SY remains between me and SY. I didn’t know this guy could get so upset and unjust for her to just simply hate me. Dar and I were friends, and we used to talk and fool around. I am really sad the way things turned out. It’s been so many years, and my past is coming back to haunt me. It’s just unbelievable. The Butterfly Effect at its very best.

Last night, I was up till five in the morning thinking about this. Have I lost friends along the way because of the things I have done in the past? I kept thinking and thinking about the friends that have crossed my path. And these thoughts really saddens me. God has a way of punishing you for your mistakes in ways you least expected.

Anyway, on a brighter note, the game turned out all right. I had quite a bit of fun on the artificial turf (it was my virgin game there). We finished a little after two in morning, after which we went for late night supper in Jurong West. I only reached home at four and after only four hours of sleep, I decided against working. I called to say I was sick. Anyway, weekends are always busy and a couple of days’ of loss of income is no big deal. By the way, I just went to IMM and JEC with Ayu this evening. It was funny going back to places I used to spend so much of my time with her, only to think of her and realise I have no idea when will be the next time I will be seeing her again.

Speaking of Ayu, I just watched Spiderman 3 again, with him, at Cineleisure yesterday night. I have to say I enjoyed the movie more the second time round. Anyway, the focus of the night was not the film, but a particular girl working at Pandora’s Box. You see, our dear Ayu has fallen head over shoes in love with this girl he got to know from Friendster. It’s incredible! Little did I know that somehow, Ayu has become different- a dreamer. Someone who is willing to give love a chance. Instead of loving someone for the sake of being together and having a future, he has changed. Totally. I admit I am one who always give love a chance (I am a firm believer of having love and lost is better than not having love at all), yet I can never fall in love with a few cute poses on Friendster. And that is exactly what happened with Ayu. He is crazy! And to think I only found out part of the reason why we had to catch the film in Cineleisure over dinner (an hour before the movie start) just made it worse. I felt so used. I felt he was there not to enjoy the movie with me, but to look at that girl. But being the brother that I am, I went over to that shop to stalk at the poor little girl. And as fate has it, that girl was not working that particular evening. Of course, Ayu went home disappointed, I think. I can already imagine us watching a couple more movies at that same place again for the same reasons. I will not be the least bit surprised.

And the trend this year is sequels. Below is a list of sequels I recommend (Ayu take note):

Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End (24^th May)

Shrek the Third (31^st May)

Ocean’s Thirteen (7^th June)

Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (14^th June)

Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard (5^th July)

The Bourne Ultimatum (3^rd August)

Rush Hour 3 (9^th August)

Resident Evil: Extinction (11^th October)

Not forgetting Transformer, which I just chanced upon on YouTube (28^th June). The trailer looks highly promising (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7uXvqfQvNI). And Alpha Dogs too (23^rd July), starring Justin Timberlake.

And I just caught the FA Cup final at Ayu’s place. Frankly, it never feels good when your team lose, no matter how they lost. Congrats to Chelski fans, a win is a win. But then again, there is no doubt Cristiano is still way better looking than Didier. Little did I know that the match would end the way it ended. But, life goes on and the sun still shines tomorrow. Smile.

Took MC today. Seriously, the ending to Prison Break Season Two is total bullshit. I am beginning to feel the scriptwriters are milking it for all it’s worth. They are simply extending the story for the sake of another season. The third season better be good. Anyway, Fernando Sucre makes me believe in waiting for the love you always wanted. He travelled miles just to get to the girl he loves. He took a bullet for her. He believed and he had faith. Love conquers all. Then again, he is just another character in a serial. Because life is not a movie- everyone lies, good guys lose, and love does not conquer all.

It has been exactly two weeks since she has been gone, and against all odds, I am managing pretty well. Before she actually left, I was pondering what type of life I would be living without her- for the simple reason that for three months, she was my life, and I was hers. So, when the time actually came, I took it all in pretty well. Yes, there are nights which are especially lonely, songs that will make them lonelier, and places that will make you wish you were dead than be without her, but, I am still alive, and I am neither in despair or depression.

I have to say my friends did play a part in all these. Time heals all wounds, but you cannot heal by yourself. Nowadays, I devote myself to work and work alone. Whatever free time are spent with my family or my friends, and in keeping myself occupied, I think less of her. That said, special thanks to Ayu and tigress (the former for being with me, the latter for being there for me). And of course, I have to take other necessary steps to move on from the life I used to have with her. I go home alone now, not with her, and my sister’s Reader’s Digest keeps me company on the bus. I work longer hours, and take less days off. Actually, being at my workplace makes me think of her more, since there are places where we had our special moments- like the staircase I proclaimed my love to her, the path we used to take to work everyday, tiny details like that which will remain with me no matter what I do. I felt she had it easy, I mean, I have never been to Bali, so there isn’t any places that I have been to with her, so she won’t be reminded of me so often over there (I wonder if it’s a good thing or not).

Maybe I have grown up, I have learnt to take things easier, and maybe that is why I am taking it all in my stride. I bought Hello! calling cards which I use to call her. It is affordable, and it beats whatever bullshit IDD deals Starhub has to offer. Trust me. Her voice still sound so near sometimes, like she could be in Singapore, and there are times I wish she can be with me, and it is truly hard not knowing when is the next time I will get to see her face or touch her hair. That is all part and parcel of a long-distance relationship, according to expert tigress.

I am pretty sure no girl can take her place. In various ways, she has ensured she will remain in my heart no matter what happens to us in the future. She is such a different work of art from the girls that I know. She is currently working in Bali, and waiting to continue her studies. Her future is more or less settled. For me, I need to get my shit degree, get a stable job, and maybe she can gained permanent residency through me. But marriage is very far from my mind- I have tons of shit on my mind right now. Sometimes, I feel I think too much, plan too much, worry too much. Like operation Ayu. I mean, Ayu can really don’t give a shit about what will happen tomorrow and sleep like a pig, while I will be up, planning the route we will be taking the next morning and estimating the travelling time. I am not one who can leave everything to chance- for that reason alone, I am not fit to gamble- I am not going to risk a hundred dollars on the odds of Titus Bramble actually being able to kick the ball in the right direction.

Right now, I have to save money. As much of it as possible, if I really want to make it to Bali in December. Then, I have to worry above getting my Class Three license. Then, I have to worry about my entry to university. Then, I have to worry about funding my expensive lifestyle while studying. But, on an immediate note, I will be taking a day off this Sunday. Hopefully, all sunshine and no rain, and I can return to kicking Les’s ass. After that, I will have some time to do shopping, and finally dinner with my dear family. Oh before that, I have the small matter of catching the FA Cup final with Ayu.

Anyway, SSG Liew was hospitalised because of lung cancer. My dear sergeant is one who does not smoke, yet he was diagnosed with lung cancer a few weeks back (Lakiunians interested in visiting him message me please. Or msn me if you don’t have my number). Tell me, where is God? Sometimes it makes me wonder. SSG Liew is such a nice person, and he is so young. Life is never fair, never smooth. I have to quit. I really have to quit. That is definitely harder than learning to live without her, but you never know. Sometimes, I surprise even myself.

Sometimes, I feel we are just so very different. Our thinking is different, our culture is different, our background is different. Everything is so different. We react to situations differently too. Problems are but a plenty between the two of us. Hanging on alone here is no easy feat.

Anyway, I am going JB with Ayu this weekend, to get a much-needed haircut and Prison Break DVDs. I need some time with my friends, no? And if weather permitting, I will see some soccer action with Ben the man, les and Ongbak.

And Spiderman III is definitely not as good as the first two. I am largely disappointed. But the fact that I watched it with her on her last night might have subconsciously played a part.

Below is the lyrics to a song from Spiderman III, entitled ‘Signal Fire’ (take note of the last three lines of the song).

The perfect words never crossed my mind

Cause there was nothing in there but you

I felt every ounce of me, screaming out

But the sound was trapped deep in me

All I wanted, just sped right past me

But I was rooted fast to the earth

I could be stuck here for a thousand years

Without your arms to drag me out

There you are, standing right in front of me

There you are, standing right in front of me

All this fear falls away, you leave me naked

Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety

No, I won't wait forever

No, I won't wait forever

In the confusion, and the aftermath

You are my signal fire

The only resolution and the only joy

Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes

There you are, standing right in front of me

There you are, standing right in front of me

All this fear falls away, you leave me naked

Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety

No, I won't wait forever

No, I won't wait forever

No, I won't wait forever

3^rd May has finally come and gone. As I am typing, she is currently on her way home in Bali. I am no longer by her side, for the first time in three months (the eleven nights I was in Hong Kong not withstanding). Since we were together, I have been accompanying her home from work every single night. On our days off (I requested to have our off days together), we went everywhere together. Is inseparable the correct word? And damn it, the song playing on my laptop now is ‘What Makes A Man’. Her favourite song. Our favourite song.

This isn't goodbye, even as I watch you leave, this isn't goodbye

I swear I won't cry, even as tears fill my eyes, I swear I won't cry

What coincidence? There are more than two thousand songs in my hard disk, and I have it on shuffle, and this song, of all songs. I am struggling to hold back my tears. Is God toying with me? Yes, I don’t cry often. But this is different. This is love. Can you understand?

Love tears us apart, yet we are willing to do anything for love. I know, she is gone, it doesn’t mean we have to break up, yet, a long-distance relationship requires tons of trust and tolerance. Is she ready? I have known of many love falling apart due to distance, moreover we have only been together for three months. She promised to call me once she is at home. But, how many times can she call me? No amount of calls is going to ease the pain. I need help, to quote Mary-Jane Watson- everybody needs help, even Spiderman. Can you help me?

So, she is gone. From the first day I held her hand, I knew it would all come down to this. Her last three days in Singapore, I went everywhere with her. She spent the three nights with me. Yet, it doesn’t hurt less. I look at my bed, I want to break down. She is really gone- when is the next time I will see her again? I have absolutely no idea. And this thought scares me. Let me explain- she left her boyfriend of three years for me. Obviously, I have my reservations. Yet, she desperately wants me to go to Bali to see her parents. This is crazy. This is love. Can you identify with it?

She wants to talk to her parents about me, and she will give me a date to go to Bali. Her boyfriend doesn’t want to break up with her- what can I say? My school is starting. My driving lessons is commencing even sooner. I have my shit to deal with, she has hers. She has another three more months of studies to carry on, and after that, I told her to study some more, maybe get a degree- study as far as you can, until it is above you, or until your dad can no longer afford it. She wanted to work, save some money, and come back to Singapore in December for holiday. There are many who don’t believe her words, namely, Ayu, but I have no doubt about her. I trust her. Completely. Why? The look in her eyes. She cannot lie. When I look at her at the Airport, the way she held my hand, said my name, hugged me so very tightly, I know, this is love. I know she is serious. After SY, I cannot fool with her again. Or my daughters will suffer at the hands of other boys. I must be discipline, must be faithful, must be strong. Can you feel what I’m going through?

She gave me a bottle of her perfume, and one of her shirt she always wear to sleep. I don’t want to go near either- I have to get use to life without her. The first day will be tough, the first week, not as tough. It takes time, and fortunately for me, I have good friends, namely, Ayu. She wrote me a letter and gave it to me at the Airport. In it, she asked me to wait for her. She will come to Singapore. She will marry me. But, I cannot see. For now, I can only hope. That is all I have. Can you grasp the reality of the situation?

I will wait for her (until she gives up first). It is the very least I can do for her. She has done so much for me, she deserves that as much. Sometimes, I wonder, how would things turn out if we haven’t fallen in love? She will leave here for good, and most probably, never come back again. Why did I put myself through all these? But I never regret loving her. This is the power of love. For now, I will look forward to the next time I see her face, the next time our hands touch. I know it will happen. I believe it will. I can. I must.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Her flight is in 6 hours’ time. I have never experience such an emotion before. I need help. Everybody needs help. Even Spiderman.