Aquarius Qualities and Characteristics

Your zodiac sign is symbolized by the bearer of the jug of water, you provide the spiritual and intellectual health drink to the society and people around you. And the water has a tendency to flow ahead, so that you are forward looking, and optimistic, and think only in terms of growing inward and outward possession.

You dispense knowledge, advice and even material possessions to those around you, who solicit your help and emotional support. You are the sign of brilliance and creativity, but these are not without the sufferings and sacrifices. You have distinctive, in fact a peculiar character - you are knowledgeable and intelligent yet hesitant to take important decisions or to give your opinion where it counts most. You are quite philanthropist, at least in thought, and have a great sense of humour.

You are tolerant and don’t mind others poking fun at you. You are valuable to the world as you are a giver rather than a taker, you give hope and inspiration. Aquarians are amiable, charming and intuitive, but can get eccentric and unruly at times. They are also slow and shaky starters, taking their own time, but half way through, they might change their mind, irritating those with them. In your love life, you will have really good experiences, but some setback will keep piercing your heart at all times.

Qualities that make you lucky are honesty, truthfulness, innovative, and insightful. Qualities that hinder your success are inconsistency, unusual, rebellious, and cautious.

Aquarius Personality

Aquarians are probably the most individualistic and strong kind of people. Now you can read that as pigheaded and rebellious, but that’s your wish (that’s not to say that being either of these is always a wrong thing). And as is the way of the world, the distinctive and strong in character are the ones followed by one and all; so this is what leaders are made of. Now things are not all rosy and jolly for Aquarians. If I had to describe an Aquarian in the least possible number of words, I won’t classify him as a leader or pioneer, I’d call him a walking bag of contradictions – coz that’s what he most definitely is. They do pioneering work, they go against the tide and try to change how the society thinks about something, yet they themselves find it very hard to change their mind on something once they have made up a notion.

So this difficulty in modifying oneself and one’s beliefs becomes more and more noticeable and prominent with maturity; an Aquarian might need a lot of help and encouragement in coming up to prevalent times and practices. However, another important thing that makes them such good leaders is their cool temperament and emotional control – you could not find a person better at taking affirmative action in practically testing circumstances. Also, these guys are really understanding and do not find it very difficult to suffer contravenes of fellows. That is why they make such good friends.

Another enigmatic aspect of their persona is their glamorous yet distant kind of vibe in relationships. They like their freedom and are not very welcoming to change, at least in this department. So, an Aquarian might face a lot many conflicts in his love life, even though he/she might be a terribly romantic person. Aquarian children may seem to be a little too introvert and aloof of the world, but that’s normal, in fact, that’s their thing! Physically, Aquarians may often suffer from circulation-related health issues, so it is really important for them to keep warm in cold weather.

Aquarius Friendship Compatibility

The individuality of an Aquarian might lead you think that they do not make such good friends. But the reality is far from that. Many astrologers will attest to the fact that Aquarians are the best kind of material for making a best friend. They really understand you and have an excellent listening ability. And their best quality is their willingness to help you for simply nothing in return. They don’t help people out of affection, or respect, or pity – it just comes naturally to them, helping someone just seems to be the right thing to do. They have a strong helping, humanitarian character, and most of them actively participate in community service and charity work. A psychoanalyst will tell you that they satisfy their need for self-importance by helping others, and being of use to the society.

And some of them might go out of their way in doing that. For example, they might help other parents out by taking care of their children. They might teach poor kids and do some kind of community service by joining NGOs. So they make very resourceful, understanding and faithful friends capable of keeping the ties intact for many years. They also have the ability of resuming relationships after a long period of separation, with almost as much warmth.

Aquarians are also known for being assertive and speaking out their mind without any qualms. They suggest ways of making things better and take decisive action in that direction, to the benefit of most friends. This makes them very good members of societies, clubs and associations. They will do a great deal for the group, simply because the impulse of enjoying the camaraderie of people you share a common interest with is too great within you. They will make great presidents and chairmen, and will be looked up to for their impartial and impersonal judgment. They will also make up quite well with the politics and drama of groups, because of their coolheaded nature and impersonal judgment.

The problem that most Aquarians face in friendships is due to their individualism and need for fresh air. They do like to have their freedom jeopardized to any extent, and most of their friends are aware of that fact. For the friends, the best thing to do is to remain at a certain distance until allowed in, and the best thing for the Aquarian to do is to curb such tendencies.

Aquarius in Love and Romance

With the glamour and shine you have got, it will not be very difficult for Aquarians to turn strangers into acquaintances and acquaintances into something more. A lot of love and lovemaking will come your way if you are an Aquarian and you will get the opportunity to enjoy it to the fullest. And my advice to you in this matter would be to grab those opportunities and make use of them to the fullest without any second thoughts, because once you start having those second thoughts and actually sitting down and thinking them through, hard times are bound to come by. Each courtship or relationship ultimately comes to that one question, but in case of you, this relationship is a little too critical.

As I have already said, an Aquarian is really protective of his freedom and way of life. A serious relationship will mean taking that giant leap of giving up one’s normal life for someone else, and learning to make decisions with the ‘we perspective’ instead of the ‘I’. Such a huge commitment will take a huge amount of love and devotion. So most of the time, this scenario just leads to a break up. But still, if the relationship persists, then the partner will have to understand the emotional needs of the Aquarian and mend his/her life and needs accordingly. This is quite difficult even for an Aquarian (remember we talked about Aquarians being very understanding and supportive) – we are talking about partners making peace with the fact that they will never be able to play a part in their companion’s life as big as they’d like to.

So the partner requires to be understanding and cool-minded and one with interests that the Aquarian can identify with. The ground truth is that for a relationship to work, having common interests and aspirations is just as important as understand one’s companion. As for the Aquarian, he/she has got a penchant for theatricals, and a great talent at entertaining the companion and making the occasion a very special one for him/her. This will make your love life very colourful and fulfilling.

Aquarius in Marriage

Aquarians are the most faithful and devoted of all in a marriage, except for the fact that they might have a few problems in accepting the new sort of life that the marriage will have to offer. Aquarians are not at all possessive and in no consider their spouse to be an object to be owned. So they are cool with any sort of jealousy-related issues. This is because they have a great amount of respect and adoration for their loved ones, and respect their values, emotions and moral standards eve tough they might not approve of them.

Aquarians find it hard to give up their individuality in the marriage. They find it hard to let of their identity for a greater cause. For example, when the Aquarian wife becomes a mother, she might find it hard to give up her profession and career and get involved in tending the kids for the first few years, without any bitterness. Even if she accepts to do it, she might just be waiting for the child to become old enough to go to school so that she can rebuild her career. Not that this is a bad thing, but the thing is that parenting is not something that can be done with a feeling of obligation. This is not so much of an issue of the Aquarian husband turning into a father, because fathers do not so much have to end their careers for tending the baby. But he actually might be the odd one to step up and take the responsibility of tending the child in order to give his wife the opportunity to continue.

Aquarians probably make the best parents, it sort of comes to them naturally, at least some aspects of it. They do not find it difficult in any way to stimulate and create interest in their children and stir them to be involved in some sort of group activity. The home will be a place of really interesting conversation, and not just noises from the TV or the Videogame. But the stagnant set of beliefs that Aquarians possess can prove to be a serious setback. It might be really difficult for the parents to acknowledge the generation gap and act sensibly.

Aquarius Career and Money

The individuality I keep saying the Aquarians try to protect in personal and professional spheres is not for nothing; actually it reflects a very lovely trait of theirs. They are known for their distinctive mark – the originality and difference they bring about to their work. These people first make sure they know what is expected from them in any task before actually taking up that task. Then they go about their work in a distinctive way. It’s not that they have no respect for the rules; they just want to do things their way, without any intervention. So the superiors need to stay away from their area and not worry about the quality of output, because it will be assuredly top notch. They are very reliable and will give each task their most, unless you stick your head in and tell them it’s not the way to do it.

Generally speaking, Aquarians are not too involved in petty organizational politics and quarrels. If they are ill treated, they rise above personal battle and try to resolve issues with their flair and ability. If they have a promotion or increment coming their way, they accept it with poise and the confidence that they can take up the added responsibility. So whatever might be a situation, they have the ability of not get distracted and go about their work in a simple and straightforward fashion. To add to this, they have a great amount of resilience. They can practically work all day. The only thing is that they will prefer taking a coffee break or doing nothing at all instead of doing something that they consider to be a waste of time, a petty formality.

All these qualities make Aquarians stand out in a crowd – their dedication, their concentration, and above all their different and sometimes peculiar way of working. These things come very naturally to them, so they get noticed by superiors without actually realising it.

For the other eleven irrelevant Zodiac Sign, click here.

*Construction of my Fortress of Solitude is now complete- the first thing I see every morning when I open my eyes is my books. Pure ecstasy.

*Shrek just spent his seventh consecutive V-Day with the same girl. Total. F*cking. Respect. In other news, I have never spent Valentine’s Day with the same girl twice- change is the only constant, they say.

*(zzz told me) Miss Y was not feeling well during Tuesday lecture. It broke my heart to see her like that. I can understand the most complicated option pricing formula, but I can never get close enough to her heart- it makes me feel so f*cking helpless.

*For the first time in my life, I cannot name the starting eleven of my favourite team. How come when Rafa rotates he is crucified by the press, but when Sir Alex does the same sh*t he is praised for utilising the full capacity of his squad?

*Girls who smoke turn me off- I much rather they suck me than suck on a cigarette.

*Scorpio and Aquarius cannot get along. F*ck it, I give up- I seriously have better things to do.

*I heart Sheena (even though her bangs do not do her CFM face or hot-as-fire body any favour).

*K-Fad is providing me weekly answers as to why I should never have kids. Why can’t he just f*cking understand all he has to do in life right now is study hard? Once again, I feel so totally helpless, and I do not enjoy the feeling at all.

*Me being nice to you do not always mean I am into you, and just because I am indifferent towards you does not imply the opposite. By the way, please stop spending so much time figuring out how I feel towards you, and instead spend the time thinking about how you feel towards me, and if need be, do something about it.

*I am more of an ‘inertia’ type of guy- all I need is a gentle push in the right direction.

*Honestly, which one of you c*nts is ‘a big fan of yours’? A big fan of what the f*ck? My manhood? My cunnilingus skills? Be more specific, you c*nt.

*What the f*ck? Class 95 has discontinued its nightly Love Songs Confidential segment where people write in confessing about cheating husbands and two-timing their boyfriends and sh*t like that. Instead, it now has a ‘declaration of love’ segment where people write in to brag (to the whole of Singapore) how much in love they are with their other halves. Seriously, who the hell wants to listen to these sh*t about happy endings and all? Don’t they know heartbreak is the new black these days? I term this change by the management of Class 95 a form of social degeneration- it used to be educational, but has now turned into a one of those downright cheesy and monotonous radio stations. Once again, what the f*ck?

*The school library actually possesses a vast collection of gorgeous cock-teases ladies, and the most amazing thing is they dressed not like students mugging for their preliminaries but more like a bunch of hot babes hitting town on a Friday evening. Life is indeed beautiful.

*What is an entry without any mention of the legendary Tattoo Girl? Well, she finally messaged yours truly the other day- I am mightily impressed that her powers of resistance lasted two weeks plus, as typically girls (who have my number) can only hold their urge for no more than two and a half minutes.

*So, we are going to be f*ck study buddies this coming week. I am f*cking so excited it is giving me an erection just thinking about it. But well, it is no big deal, it is just studying, I will play it cool, much like studying with XP, but minus the smoke breaks and exchanges of obscenities every ten minutes. Remember, I am a student first and foremost, and a skirt-chasing, pussy-loving lady’s man second.

*Life is more than beautiful.

You know you cannot always be number one.

The seventh entry in the past seven days- it seems like I have located my muse lately. However, this entry has got to be short and sweet as I am adopting the ‘Obama’ regime of working out every morning before I head for school, and I am going to meet XP early to study tomorrow- yes, XP, of all the f*cking people in the world, actually asked me out to study. What’s next? Ong Bak actually settling for one vagina? Nala actually giving up courting underage girls? Me actually letting myself fall in love? Speaking of which…

I was in class with Tattoo Girl today, and I asked her about her Valentine’s Day (if she actually watched a sad love movie and sang ‘All By Myself’ and sh*t). Well, apparently, she spent it with a bunch of girlfriends at the Night Safari (creative, but she could have easily been with another guy). Anyway, she then asked me about my V-Day, and I told her I brought my cousins for a swim, worked out, studied, blogged and ended the night playing monopoly with my sisters. Then, with a shocked look on her face, she enquired “how about your girlfriend?” I replied that I did not have one, amidst a forced self-mocking laughter. Well, she looked even more bewildered at my answer (I admit she is not very good at hiding her emotions, and it was not the first time during a conversation that I could see right through her). Anyway, I quickly changed subject and asked her about the weather at Night Safari the other night (yes, I know, but still, that was the best I could think of besides asking her the colour of the thong she had on).

I mean, come on, do I look like I actually have a girlfriend? So, there I was, thinking what I did (when I was with her) that made her think I had one. And then, it struck me- it was not what I did, but what I did not do. I think she was kind of expecting me to hit on her (after we first met), you know, like most guys with semen dripping from their ears, and so when I did not, she assumed that I was taken (and faithful, may I add). Hence, the astonished look. Or she suspected that I am gay, since I neither hit on her nor has a girlfriend. Anyway, she turned somewhat cold afterwards and I am thinking she is either homophobic or she was sad because she thought I am just not that into her.

If you are reading this, Tattoo Girl, for the record, I am totally into you (my 28,657 readers can testify). It is just that, you know, I like to take it slow (copyright: Renoma Lady). See, when on the soccer court, I am like Wayne Rooney, playing the game at hundred miles an hour shedding buckets of sweat and blood along the way. On the other hand, when it comes to love, I prefer to take it slow, you know, like Michael Carrick, choosing to dictate the tempo by hitting long optimistic passes hoping one of them would come off. So, yeah, there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly fine (more than fine, I would say), and the problem lies with me and my approach play.

By the way, before we parted, she revealed that she was a Taurus, and she added (out of the blue) that Scorpio people are, and I quote, evil (I am thinking an ex who is Scorpio either two-timed her or gave her herpes). I most definitely agree with her, and not only that, Scorpio guys are deluded, paedophilic and suck at time-management. Anyway, she said she was going to ask me out soon to study together in school. Well, my number has been on her phonebook for more than a week now, and yet I have gotten no love from her so far. I suppose when it comes to the game called love, she is a Michael Carrick as well.

You know love takes time.

My God, it seems like only yesterday she was the girlish Hermione, these days, she is a real woman. Seriously, I would do Emma Watson with her CFM (come-fuck-me) face anytime. But I wouldn’t be so sure about that in the future- I can foresee in the next eight years of her life, she would end up divorce with two kids, shave her head bald, diagnose with bipolar disorder and flash her vagina half a dozen to paparazzi when alighting from her Cadillac. My friends say I am prophetic.

I only got a few minutes to get this in before I got to rush off to meet the player himself. So, Ong Bak did manage to spend his V-Day with both the ladies. Truly impressive, and he even used me as an excuse (“I am going to be studying with GuangHui till very late, dear, so you go sleep first okay? Goodnight, love you xoxo”). What can I say? At least now in the eyes of Es, I am finally proving to be a ‘good influence’ on him. But Ong Bak, you leave me speechless. You are undoubtedly the man- even I, back when I was at the peak of my player’s powers a long time ago, cannot manage to squeeze two chicks into my V-Day schedule. It shows I still have much to learn from you, my master.

Anyway, I found this sh*t online which was totally hilarious. It was about the diary of Cupid a few days before Valentine’s Day.

Cupid's been making love matches for hundred of years, so we figured that by now, he's probably not that into his job.  Luckily, we found a couple pages from his diary to confirm this.

*And half the time there, he was checking out pre-pubescent lower-secondary school girls

  from TWSS and CCKSS. I now fear being arrested by the Interpol for my close association

  with a paedophile. F*ck.

**Ben the Man, I love your blog song so much I am using it for my own! They say imitation

    is the ultimate compliment. Indeed.

***Happy Friday the 13th to all! Beware the black kitten at your void deck. And do break a

     mirror.

It is slightly after seven on this cold Thursday morning and I have just finished watching Spain complete the annihilation of Fabio Capello’s men in Seville. Well, the last time I watched Spain play they weren’t even champions of Europe, Lehman Brothers has yet to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection and the President of the United States was still a white fellow. Time f*cking flies, which brings me to where I left off from my last entry.

So, it was Sunday- I slept at five in the morning and woke up a lengthy four hours later to accompany my family to the temple for the ‘yearly’ routine. Then I met Ong Bak and company (again) for three hours of soccer at NTU under the scorching sun (it was 233 times more effective than my weekly tanning session by the swimming pool, I tell you). Afterwards, Ben the Man, Ong Bak and I had lunch together and that was when we engaged in some serious discussion over relationship issues (serious as in minus all the sh*t stirring and all). Once again, I shall spare you the details, but in summary, it revolves around some words of wisdom from my player-friends which set me thinking.

I know Valentine’s Day is coming, but that does not mean all relationship problems are going to disappear into thin air just because it is 14^th February. When it comes to managing a relationship, I feel Ben the Man is more mature as compared to Ong Bak, although he confessed he was not always like that. I just want to say that I am pretty sure we guys all just want to have some fun before settling down into any serious sh*t. We just want to ‘see the world a bit more’ (in other words, observe several more vaginas first) before we decide we have had enough fun and it is time to walk down the isle with the mother of our kid that special someone. I am not against such an idea, and I feel you ladies should learn to accept it as well. Well, it is definitely better than having a cheating husband who has an affair after your third kid because you kept him on such a tight leash all this while that he only discovered the je ne sais quoi of the ‘forbidden pussy fruit’ much later into the marriage.

However, at the end of the day, guys (and gals) who are unfaithful will always stray. I hope I speak for both of us when I say Ben the Man and I are no longer that type of boyfriends anymore. Relationship is a commitment, not to yourself and your dick, but to the other party. That is why before you go watch a movie with that attractive colleague of yours or ‘hang out’ with that hot chick in your class, you got to spare a thought for your girlfriend, and I do not have to, simply because I answer to nobody except myself (and my dick). That is one of the reasons I enjoy being single- the freedom of doing whatever I want whenever I want with whoever I want; the freedom of not belonging to one person; the freedom of knowing that the most a girl can have me is for just one night and when the morning comes I am once again free to see whoever I choose.

Relationship is more than just sweet-nothings or having candlelight dinner at fancy restaurant every 14^th February or holding hands on the beach and walking into the sunset, which brings me to Les. We were talking about this the other day in school (together with Shrek and Nala), and listening to him talk about his stand on relationship issues reminded of the scene in Troy, and I am Hector listening to Paris blab about dying for Helen and sh*t. The line “you say you're willing to die for love but you know nothing about dying and you know nothing about love!” springs to mind, and Les is like this seventeen-year-old GuangHui who thinks first love is always the deepest and all it takes is a little peck on the lips to make the problems go away. The GuangHui who used to play Shakespeare and write Romeo-ish crap like “if you were the floor, I'd want to be the rug; and if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug”. I totally wanted to shake Les and tell him to wake the f*ck up- it is one thing to be in love, and another to love the idea of being in love.

Moreover, I do not believe changing for the other party is ever going to work. Short-term, perhaps, but the moment you reach the 34^th blowjob and the sex starts getting boring, you will revert back to your true self. And oh, I speak from experience, both as the one who changed and the one who saw the one I loved change right before my eyes. Which is why these days, I prefer to accept girls for who they are (clubbers, bookworms, petty b*tches, horny sluts, whatever), and I always try to be myself all the time (full of sh*t, honest, self-assured, objective, whatever). Flowers on the first date, morning calls every day, all these sh*t are not sustainable in the long run, my dear friend. It is equivalent to giving the other party false hopes, as she would think this is the real you and expect you to behave the same way forever, and this creates expectations which you would never be able to reach and thus, according to JT’s third law, it would inevitably lead to disappointment.

If you people are free (after that dinner at that fancy restaurant on that special day), find some time and go watch the movie He’s Just Not That Into You. I am sure you will find what I say more agreeable after that. Anyway, I am late for my date with Shrek and Nala at the gayhole gym. Have yourself a great day ahead (thinking about what I just said).

You know you have to agree with me.

If there is one thing in life I need more of, it is definitely time. I do not need love or money or a Valentine’s Day date, I just need time, pure and simple. See, this entry was supposed to be up on Sunday evening, but due to a combination of my New Year resolution to spend more time with my friends and a killer marketing test on Monday, I have to sacrifice what I want to do in order to complete what I need to do (again). Seriously, ever since I found this drive in me to get my ducks in line and prioritise my sh*t, I have been doing more and more of what I need to do, and less of what I want to do. I even gave up watching the Champions of Champions’ visit to Upton Park to study for my test. And even then, I can only blog like forty-eight hours later! Look, after my test, I paid K-Fad a visit before going for my night jog at close to eleven, and that rounded up my boring Monday. Tuesday was spent waking up early to catch up on the weekend headlines and to prepare for the two subsequent lectures I have coming up. I reached home around seven, watched some Heroes and highlights of the weekend soccer matches before working out for an hour. I bathed, made myself some supper and now, thirty-five minutes into Wednesday morning, I am here blogging. And I have a morning class in eight hours’ time. Yes, I know- what the f*ck, right?

But okay, I admit I did have my fair share of fun over the weekends. Like I have said, I need some balance in my life- since I chose not to have another person in life, I can now fully devote my time to my friends and family. So, I spent Saturday in town with Ong Bak and Ben the Man looking for Valentine’s Day gifts for their respective girls (Ben only needed one gift, but the same cannot be said of Ong Bak- don’t ask). We spent the whole day walking up and down Orchard Road in our quest to check out as many hot girls as possible for the perfect gift and frankly, it was f*cking tiring- I am getting old already. Anyway, I have to say hanging out with the two of them is something I always look forward to- we three are totally full of sh*t and we all love stirring one another’s sh*t. For instance, Ong Bak has this f*cked up habit of not putting on his seatbelt when he’s driving. His reason? He has a thing against being strapped down, and according to his full-of-sh*t theory, it reflects his phobia of commitment. What more can I say? I put on the seatbelt because I do not trust my friend’s sh*tty driving skills. Plus I do not want to die a virgin.

Anyway, Es (Ong Bak’s official girlfriend) joined us for dinner at the Manhattan Fish Market (whose food and service were simply fabulous). Es asked if I played mahjong, and she was shocked when I replied no, as from what she sees, I have the ‘mahjong’ face. Yeah, all my friends used to tell me I have a ‘condom-broke shotgun with two kids’ face, and a ‘went to Phuture and got into a fight over some Ah Lian’s ass I grabbed while I was drunk’ face. What can I say? Never judge a book by its cover- beneath my hostile Ah Beng looks lie an innocent boy-next-door who tutors kids in his free time and cries himself to sleep every single night thinking about the love of his life (Megan Fox) who does not love him.

And surprise surprise, my good pal Ong Bak did not even bother to explain to his girlfriend what a fantastic guy I actually am, and instead, started stirring my sh*t (together with the ever reliable Ben the Man) by quoting names from Renoma Lady to JT to Miss Y to Michelle Obama. They made it seemed like I was f*cking a different girl every night of the week. Frankly, with friends like these, who the f*ck needs enemies? But it is all okay, I can play the Edison Chen role in front of my friend’s girlfriend, if that’s what they want. I mean, it is not the first time they have used me to make themselves look like model boyfriends. I remember there was a time when Ayu would call me up in the middle of the night and shout through loud techo music, “if **** calls you, tell her I am watching soccer with you and my battery’s flat”. The following weekend when I run into the girlfriend, she shows me a black face for influencing her boyfriend to stay up late and watch soccer with me. The moral of the story- behind every unfaithful boyfriend stands a pseudo-player-friend who is willing to put up with all his adulterous sh*t.

After dinner, Les joined us for KTV as part of his pre-birthday celebration. To my utter amazement, Les can actually sing better than he drives! His rendition of slow-rock hits like ‘Always’ by Bon Jovi and Firehouse’s ‘I Live My Life for You’ truly took my breath away. Afterwards, we watched the Portsmouth-Liverpool match together and Ong Bak actually fell asleep! This was the first time in my life that I watched soccer in a f*cking pub and my friend fell asleep. With this, it has proven beyond any doubt that football matches involving Liverpool SC is a scientific breakthrough in the search for the cure for insomnia.

Well, that was just the first half of my interesting weekend, and I shall tell you more about the other half the next time I find the time to blog. A little more than a year ago, the old GuangHui would have blogged till three in the morning and compiled all that he wanted to tell you into a two–thousand-word entry. But the new GuangHui version 2.0 has learnt to distinguish between the things he wants to do and those that he needs to do.

You know I need more time.

And then it was back to the Big Three. I finally saw Tattoo Girl on Monday (for only the second time this year, if you don’t count the number of times I have seen her in my wet dreams). She was later than usual (like Leslie-late) and her explanation was that she was ‘deep in thoughts’ and she missed alighting by a couple of stops. Well, I can definitely concur- there had been numerous occasions during our marketing lecture where I noticed her staring into blank space, even when our lecturer was telling us to take down some key points, she was like somewhere else. Then again, there exists a tiny possibility that Tattoo Girl was visualising the tall, dark and handsome guy beside her stripping down to his Renoma boxers before giving her the best cunnilingus she ever had in her life. If you are reading this Tattoo Girl, there is only one way to know if my cunnilingus is any good as you imagined it to be. Call me.

As for Sheena, she was late as well, but just in time to show the lecture her new hair colour. If there is one thing I like about a lady, it is the effort she puts into maintaining her locks, and our dear Sheena is certainly one such lady. And to all those ladies who wake up at six in the morning to powder their faces in time for our eight o’clock class, I salute you- vanity of a woman clearly has no boundaries. Anyway, Sheena has decided to tone down the fierce white-tiger looks towards me, and her flirtatious glances are making a welcome return to my Wednesday mornings. How do I even start thanking you for making my microeconomics lecture that bit more appealing, Sheena-baby?

And oh Miss Y, Miss Y, Miss Y- how do I ever get you out of my head? Not seeing you definitely helps, but it is almost an impossibility when we share the same weekly lecture and the same paedophilic friend. It is so hard to explain my attraction to Miss Y, given that she has neither a hot body nor stunningly good looks. The only thing that sets her apart from the other girls in my life is her height and long, flowing hair, but still, these are no sufficient explanations for my continual infatuation with her. Frankly, I have no answer to this question, and I can only admit the problem lies with me and my heart, and that at no point in time did she try to seduce me. I would also readily admit that if she were ever to be single, I would most definitely love to get to know her better. I know that is a big if, but let me assure you more unimaginable things have happened before.

Today marks the day I recoup the money I paid for my bicycle (all $130 of it). Five months on, hand on my heart, I can safely say I am cycling much faster than before, so much so that I have been proclaimed the Lance Armstrong of Choa Chu Kang. That said, I am no where as fast as the great American cycling champion, but that is only because I have one more testicle than him, as you all know, I suffer from big penisitis and hence my gonads weigh something like ten pounds each. But still, give me big penisitis over testicular cancer any day.

Last but no least, I have now entered the examination period and shall retreat to my Fortress of Solitude to prepare for the trials and tribulation that lies ahead. Like Sam Witwicky’s great-great-grandfather, Captain Archibald Witwicky, once said- no sacrifice, no victory.

You know not all roads in life are paved.