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31 décembre The My One Wish For 2008 EntryAll I wish for in 2008 is the chance to prove that I am capable of sharing my life with someone else.
No, I’m serious. You see, last night was spent counting down to New Year’s eve with MM, JT and Honey. It’s funny how I feel so at ease talking to them all, yet share no more than ten conversations with each of them in our six years in primary school. The Earth turns to bring us together, but where we go from there depends entirely on the two parties. So, there we were, in JT’s living room, and I looked around and see a guy who has not fallen in love before and (undoubtedly) longs for companionship; a girl who is madly in love with her boy yet dare not admit it; and lastly, someone who had her heart shattered and is in the (slow) process of mending it. So, I was the only one who has no issues whatsoever (the most blissful and luckiest of them all), yet, I guess I was the only one who dare not fall in love.
I know you guys get the impression from my blog that I am some sort of a player, but the fact is, I’m not even close. And I know you guys who know me well enough understand that I keep telling you I am not ready for another person in my life. Okay, I do admit at times that I am a pussy, that I am afraid of falling in love- there are a hundred and one reasons.
Of course, there are girls I am currently attracted to (Miss Y notwithstanding), but for reasons only I know, I am not taking any form of action. I am not scare of rejection- rather, I am scared of the consequences of it. I mean, what will happen then? Can we still remain friends like before? There are countless ifs, honestly. And frankly, I wouldn’t know what to do even if she were to say yes. So, where do we go from there? I thought that as I grow older, I would have a better picture of what I want when I’m in love. I guess I thought wrong.
As you all know, I am still schooling. My life’s a mess- I mean, things are not in the order I would like them to be. I have nothing, I live with my parents and I cannot even feed myself. I suppose I need to ‘get my ducks in line’ first (my favourite line from ‘A Lot Like Love’). With that, I am referring to a stable career, some savings and maybe see the world a little more first, you know, before talking about settling down.
But, but, but, I know one thing- love does not wait for me to get my ducks in line. No, the girl will move on, and I would hate to live with regrets and ‘what ifs’ for the rest of my life. You know me, I want to know for sure whether we are meant to be- even if we aren’t, at least I know for sure we aren’t. It is this thought, that makes me feel perhaps 2008 is the year for me to finally share my life with someone else. Perhaps I am ready to take the plunge after all. Perhaps she will complete me.
Perhaps. Just perhaps. The Resolutions For 2008 EntryLearn to be honest with myself- stop fooling around and giving girls the wrong idea. It’s about time I start to take relationships seriously, and give up the bad boy image. Well, I know that girls only flirt (and sometimes sleep) with the bad boys, but they don’t bring them home to see their parents- well, they only marry the good ones. So perhaps it’s time I learn to be a good boy and get myself ready (mentally, physically, emotionally) for a real relationship. I do want to fall in love (who doesn’t?), it’s just that I keep telling myself I am not ready. Or am I?
Quit smoking once and for all, and never ever use alcohol or Miss Y as excuses again. It is all in the mind!
Prove my prophecy wrong.
Get over Miss Y. I’m sure it’ll be kind of hard, but I have 366 days to do it- time is on my side.
Make sure Des Out’08 takes place- I’m serious. It is number five on my New Year’s resolutions- it’s that significant to me.
Get fit, and keep fit. I already possess the leg-breaking skills of Joey Barton, and all I need now is to attain his immense stamina in order to be mentioned in the same breathe as him.
Start saving some money for rainy days- never know when I will actually become a father.
Grow taller- I am actually three (yes, three!) centimetres shorter than Maria Sharapova. And I thought I was tall. Damn.
Stop laughing at Liverpool fans, and instead, try to understand the torture they have to go through every time they see Peter I-prove-a-giraffe-can-tackle Crouch and Dirk I-am-Superman-flying-backwards Kuyt in their jerseys.
Study hard (you can start laughing now). 30 décembre The 2007 Awards EntryAnti-Climax Of The Year The recently concluded SIM bash at Zouk. I was thinking I could like discuss a couple of really tough tutorial questions with my lecturers at Wine Bar, but I was utterly disappointed by their absence. Plus Miss Y wasn’t there. All in all, a real downer.
Advice Of The Year “Nobody ever had a shotgun marriage from masturbating alone”- this statement requires no further explanation.
Blog Of The Year This one, you moron.
Car Of The Year My dad’s car, without a doubt. Crashed it twice, still running like I bought it yesterday- a lesser car would have already been scrapped.
Celebrity Of The Year It has to be my ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears. She survived a divorce, a Thierry Henry haircut and countless drink-driving charges. What more can a poor little girl like her suffer? The indignity of being photographed without her panties on? Crush Of The Year Miss Y- for more information, please read my blog.
Déjà Vu Of The Year Falling in love; then, breaking up; followed by flirting around a little; before belatedly embracing singlehood. It’s a vicious cycle of déjà vu, I tell you.
Error Of The Year All my friends who support Liverpool Football Club- it’s time to wake up, pea-brains.
Failure Of The Year Andriy Shevchenko- the greatest pile of dog-shit 30 million pounds can ever buy.
Holiday Of The Year Hong Kong trip with Ayu- only him and me can understand what we went through together. Everything went as planned, and more- Ayu got lucky with this Hong Kong chick by the name of Mandy, who works at the local Levi’s store in Tsim Sai Tsui. Don’t ask.
Honest Opinion Of The Year "You must be joking"- Sir Alex Ferguson's indignant response after being asked if he would like to see Liverpool win the Premiership. "How does relegation sound? Bloody hell"- Sir's next sentence. "I still enjoy beating Liverpool more than any other club, that's for sure"- and his next.
Late-Night Supper Hangout Of The Year Al-Azhar along Upper Bukit Timah Road- my dear readers should all know why.
Least Surprising Quote Of The Year “It doesn’t mean anything what”- JT used it a total of 372 times in our MSN conversations (read below).
MSN Buddy Of The Year JT- no one else was even close. Our countless chat logs are evidence of our countless MSN sessions every other night- tens years worth of conversation all unleashed together in the short space of two and a half months.
Most Friends Made On Friendster Of The Year Er Siong Chie- 996 (!!!) at last count.
Movie Of The Year Transformer- fought off strong competition from Spiderman 3, 300, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End and The Bourne Ultimatum to clinch it. Great storyline, great actor, great robots, great soundtrack, hot, hot, hot actress- what more can you ask for?
Party Of The Year A close fight between Des Out’07 Christmas Party (organised by yours truly) and the Manchester United Christmas Party (organised by Rio Ferdinand), but at the end of the day, the winner just had to be my party. Although Rio’s party had more alcohol and more chicks, my party definitely had the better food and it cost 3,992 pounds less. Plus no girl at my party sold any sordid stories about getting humped by six guys to the papers.
Song Of The Year “The Great Escape”- the lyrics never fail to brighten up my day. “Dick In A Box” comes in a close second for the same exact reason.
Superstition Of The Year Benitez’s stubborn tradition of watching Liverpool’s matches at his own home- “Liverpool always loses when I watch in some pub with you guys”. Now, recall 16th December at Anfield. Conclusion- Liverpool is shit, and that is why they will always lose, no matter where you watch them play.
Upset Of The Year Me ending the year the way I began it- single.
29 décembre The Seven Things I have Learnt In 2007 EntryQuitting smoking does not equal gaining weight Part of the reason I took up smoking was in the hope that when the day that I quit smoking finally arrives, I will put on some weight (yeah, right). So, imagine my disappointment when it didn’t actually pan out the way I had intended. I didn’t even gain a milligram- it’s all a myth, I tell you.
Some things never change As you all know, 2007 has been the year I rebuilt my friendships from my primary school days, after an unforeseen delay of more than ten years. And I was taken by surprise when I finally met up with them- how their looks have changed, yet their character and habits are still firmly in place. The nice ones have remained nice, the shit ones have remained shitty and the bimbos have remained bimbo-ic. I would like to think I have changed (for better or for worse, only you can be the judge) but oh well, some things can never be changed, can they?
Love is forever more important than friendship Trust me, no matter what your friends say about the importance of friendship and their big ideals on friends versus love, they don’t mean a single word of it. When ‘the love of their lives’ or ‘girl of their dreams’ belatedly comes along, those words go right out the window. A person in love, and the same person out of love are in fact, two vastly different person. And I don’t blame them, for I am myself a victim of the deadliest disease this century- the SGTB (read: sperm-goes-to-the-brain) syndrome. So, don’t believe me when I now say friends are everything to me, my next girlfriend better don’t f*ck with my friendships and I totally love spending Valentine’s Day alone.
The great Michael Carrick won us the EPL We only bought one player in the summer of 2006, and nine months later, we were crowned EPL champions. Can anyone bloody believe it that the great Michael Carrick has been our missing link all this while? The same Michael Carrick who takes eight touches to control a ball in order to spray a glorious three-yard grounder to our last defender. The same Michael Carrick who broke his elbow in October and resulted in us scoring four goals a game in four consecutive games. All hail Michael the great.
Long-distance relationships never last You all know what I am talking about- The Inevitable End (for all those of you with a room temperature IQ, kindly left-click on the underlined words and it will link you to the desired website; and no, you will not get any virus).
Your best friend may be right beside you Some friends have been beside me all the time, but it is only recently that I found them. You know, we had so much in common, so much mutual understanding, yet we didn’t know anything about each other. Funny the way things can turn out, isn’t it? It reminds me of the movie “Turn Left, Turn Right” (or was it “Walk Left, Walk Right”?). I believe everything happens for a reason, and to me, it’s never too late to find someone who completes your life.
Life is precious I have seen way too many deaths this year- it made me believe that if God wants you to be beside Him, there is nothing in the world you can do to change His mind. Life is truly fragile, so cherish those around you. If you have something to say to someone, please do it before the year ends, okay? If you want to confess your love for me, now is the time- just leave a comment here will do. Then again, I kind of get the feeling that God will leave assholes like me on Earth to suffer for as long as possible, so, there is no hurry in leaving that love-comment of yours. 28 décembre The Very Busy EntryThis has got to be my last meaningful entry of 2007, and I finally found the time to write it. Yes, the past few days have been really (no shit) busy. It all started with the SIM bash at Zouk last Thursday. Well, Miss Y wasn’t there, so I drank myself silly. No, the truth is I had real bad influences around me that night and if you spotted a Merlion outside Zouk, it could have been me. And no, I did not wake up to fatherhood- I went to bed alone and I woke up alone. So, thank you for your concern, assholes.
Friday night. Soccer. FICO. Fill in the blanks yourself. Saturday was spent recording Shrek’s performance before heading to IMM to buy THE turkey for THE Christmas party of the year. And we still managed to find time to go to the Creative sale nearby at midnight to buy his presents for gift-exchange. And I watched Torres destroyed Portsmouth before having supper with Les, Benitez and XP until five in the morning. Then, the real shit began.
I spent a good four hours at Giant supermarket with Shrek, Sasa and DT (late for a whole three hours!). The last time I was there was the same time last year, doing the same Christmas shopping for our ingredient. After that, we rushed to NTUC finest to get the items sold out at Giant. And yet, we somehow could not find the stuffing for our turkey (I think some moron bought a hundred stuffing to go with his one turkey). So, we made one last stop at Bukit Panjang Plaza and finally found the bloody thing, and DT and I had dinner there before rushing to my house to get my stuff. I used the word ‘rushing’ because all the while, our prawns and scallops are melting in DT’s car, and I wasn’t actually planning on staying over at his house for the night. It’s all a bit last minute, I have to say.
So, we reached his house (yeah, it’s becoming like an annual visit too) at ten, and immediately we set about cleaning the scallops and de-shelling the prawns. For a good three hours, we spent the time fooling around and having a heart-to-heart chat. Somehow, I see so much of me in DT- the confidence and the playfulness being the most apparent. Then, comes our common interests and thoughts. Really, I take to him rather easily, like I take to JT. You know sometimes when you are with someone, you feel really ‘comfortable’ (to borrow a word from DT)? Like, you can be who you are, say what you want, and at the same time, feel totally at ease and enjoy the company. I know this sounds pretty gay, but, I am not. So, don’t worry, ladies, I’m still here for you.
I had a ‘healthy’ breakfast with DT and this was to be the beginning of the busiest day of my life this year, and I was armed with no more than four hours of sleep. We rushed to Jurong Point to get his cookies and mail his cards, then rushed to IKEA to buy the wine glasses, then rushed to Mediacorp to settle his stuff, then rushed to HY’s place to get the table for the party, and finally, rushed home. At three, the cooking began. It was twice as busy compared to last year, but the fun was ten times more. We settled down for a glass of wine, had our countdown, and exchanged our gifts. Unlike last year, there was no mass-boozing session for me and I fell asleep straight after. I woke up at four to clear up some of the mess and then went straight back to sleep again, only to wake up at noon. Merry Christmas? My ass.
That very night, I went to Cineleisure to catch ‘I Am Legend’ with Sasa and Shrek. I really regretted going- I have already watched it before online. The next afternoon, we proceeded to DT’s place (again!) to have our own mini ‘Boxing Day Lunch’, partly to finish up the leftover turkey, ham and pasta from the party.
Well, that was my Christmas, and at no point in time did Miss Y cross my mind- out of sight, out of mind.
Happy New Year, everybody.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/10407666@N03/collections/72157601409208216/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/10407666@N03/sets/72157603537991088/ http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=becks07sg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N6Edt8IU1c
22 décembre The Prophecy Entry
“The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behaviour which makes the original false conception come 'true'. This specious validity of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a reign of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning.”
For the mentally challenged, it means that even if a prophecy is untrue, as long as it carries enough weight and manages to influence you sufficiently, you and your actions will ultimately fulfil it.
Look no further than Anakin Skywalker for instance- he assumed that following the dark side would grant him the power to save Padme Amidala from her ‘certain’ death (as told in the prophecy). But in the end, it was him becoming of a Sith Lord which eventually killed his only love. Another example is that from ‘The Matrix’, where Neo and the Oracle met for the first time. When Neo walked in to speak to the Oracle, she said, "I'd ask you to sit down, but you're not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase." Neo answered "What vase?" and turned around to see what she could be talking about, but in doing so knocked over and broke a vase that was sitting on a counter next to him. Neo apologised and the Oracle told him not to worry about it. Neo asked how she knew, to which the Oracle replied, "What's really going to bake your noodle later on is: would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?"
It is a pretty interesting concept, and one which has been constantly on my mind this pass week, ever since I found out the actual depth of the term ‘self-fulfilling’. In this day and age, you don’t actually have the opportunity to have dialogues with prophets often, do you? The closest thing is either some horoscope stuff or some words of wisdom from fortune-tellers. And I believe both as much as I believe Titus Bramble to be a Premier League defender. I am a firm believer that man can one day change their stars. If you know me well enough, you will know I am not your ‘yes’ man, and I totally enjoy making others eat their words. That is why when playing truth or dare, I always pick the latter- partly because I have my fair share of secrets, but mainly because I love a good dare any day. So, there you go- dare me to have sex with you dog next time. Oral sex.
That’s a joke, okay. I am not daring you to dare me, so, please don’t. Anyway, although I find fortune-tellers and horoscope a pile of bullshit, it doesn’t mean I didn’t bother checking out what they have to say (how did you think I know it was all bullshit in the first place?).
Aquarius are friendly and tend to have many friends. It can be confusing sometimes when you are wondering if the Aquarius is attracted to you or not. They are friendly with most everyone and easily affectionate. A casual get together as a first date usually works best with Aquarius so you have more time to figure them out. Even so, Aquarius people are very unpredictable. They are usually social butterflies and it is hard to pin them down. Do not even hint at anything serious between you until they initiate it. Nothing will scatter an Aquarius faster than a suggestion of restrictions. They tend to be very open minded and easy going. Sometimes it can be hard to get to know an Aquarius because they can be quite contradictory and even perverse. They enjoy a debate and seeing things from a different point of view. Aquarius are impressed by the unusual and an open-minded attitude.
Aquarian friends are unique - they always have an opinion or some factoid that you have never heard before. They easily see the bigger picture. Adding their great organizational skills, they are the friends to seek when your starting any new enterprise as their vision is unsurpassed. They love their causes and they love humanity. Such can add a very useful network of associations and they seem to know just the right person to talk to or approach. With such wide interests though, the downside can be that they easily obsess over things and you will not see or hear from them for months as they are consumed. Their arrogance is also legendary.
Decide for yourself, but for me, the last two sentences of both paragraphs hold the most truth (and some others are wholly inaccurate). As for what the fortune-teller said (it was my mum who asked, not me), well, let’s just say when it actually happens, you guys will be the first to know. No, I’m not trying to be mysterious or anything, I just want to avoid it being a self-fulfilling prophecy. Imagine my prophecy- the first 500 girls who sleeps with me in 2008 will find their true love within a week, and I will met my own true love after the 500th girl. There are 366 days next year, so that works to be roughly 1.37 girls a day. If that’s not scary enough for you, imagine the number of girls (out of the 500) whose face had an accident with a lorry.
Okay, jokes aside, my prophecy actually does not bode well for my love life (now you know why I am still single). Then again, I did tell you it is all bullshit, didn’t I? I don’t believe any of it, so why should you? Frankly, I don’t believe that everything we are doing and are about to do are all written down in some book (that has to be one gigantic book, I tell you), or illustrated by some lines on our palms. I agree that everything does happen for a reason, but ultimately, you must know it is me who make it happen.
Oh, and next time, I’ll remember to ask the prophet which year will Liverpool finally win the EPL title.
17 décembre The Singlehood EntrySometimes, things just want to f*cked themselves up (Murphy’s Law- whatever that can go wrong, will go wrong), and everything in turn becomes a bloody mess. Then those friends whom you want to be talking to are either with their respective other halves, or just simply not free. Don’t you just wish there is a hand which you can hold, or a listening ear and some comforting words?
Well, my left hand is grasping my right, and my ears are listening to what my mouth has got to say.
I know I sound like a pathetic loser, but then everyone’s born single and there must a period of time when you are actually single (even the player of all players). That said, the festive period is going into full swing now, and I can somehow feel it in the air. And you all know that single have the most fun during this period of time- no strings attached and no other half’s feelings to consider. I am so looking forward to having my fair share of fun.
Long live singlehood.
14 décembre The 2am Entry2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a blog
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, So cradle your head in your hands, 13 décembre The Sex EntryThe weather seriously sucks- I am running out of boxers. I think I’ll have to do a ‘Britney’ real soon, unless the skies clear up. Anyway, it’s been a week since the last episode of Heroes, and it was a fantastic ending to say the least. The only regrettable part being the death of Niki and Nathan (the scandalous couple), but Sylar (my Hero) returns to brighten up our lives. Then again, the next episode is still two months away- maybe I can finally start watching Grey’s Anatomy or something.
I am now having a glass of tequila- it’s amazing how having a glass every other day really adds up. I have finished almost half a bottle since the start of the month. And no, my life is all good, I have no ‘Miss Y’ issues, and all I wanted was a simple a chilled drink that’s all. Plus I just completed a thorough work out- due to DT’s claim that even skinny guys can build mass if they put in enough effort (read: 100 push-ups a day!). I have given myself until my birthday to see some results, otherwise I can conclude that celebrities are all liars. Watch this space.
Speaking of which, I was out with DT, Shrek and SaSa just now. It’s the first time this year I have been out in the public with DT (since Christmas shopping this time last year), and frankly, he isn’t as big a star as I would have liked him to be. I imagine girls screaming his name, camera flashing every three steps of the way, but no, all he got was a couple of inviting looks from some pretty girls- which is not unlike what I get most of the time. I suppose not many Singaporean girls bother to watch Star Search in this day and age.
We were shopping for Christmas decorations and stuff at Ikea, before settling down for dinner there, and another major talk-cock session followed after we went over to Serene Centre for some ice-cream (DT recommended the ice-cream, and the girls selling them, of course). Yeah, one thing I noticed- you know you see couples on the streets and all? Have you ever noticed that 90% of the time, either the girl or the boy you saw has his or her face gone over by the lorry (twice)? I mean, it’s a rare sight to see a good-looking guy with a good-looking girl, or a ‘chui’ guy with a ‘chui girl, no? Okay, to all my attached friends out there, please don’t ask me whether you or your other half has a face like a cobbler's thumb- I seriously don’t want to break your heart (you look like shit or you have bad taste- either way, the truth will hurt). So, let’s leave it as that, shall we?
Anyway, the topic of our discussion was sex in a relationship. It’s ironic how of the four of us, only the two currently-attached ones are still virgins. Shrek and SaSa have been together for all of five years, and yet they have the sexual knowledge of a ten-year-old. I haven’t had much of a sex life lately (I can hear your ‘yeah, right’ a mile away), so it was left to DT to share with us his tales. Well, you know I cannot reveal much, but let’s just say I did learn a thing or two from him). Let me put it this way- I come to learn that girls are all suckers for good-looking guys, and the only distinction between the Miss Y in my blog and the Miss Y in reality is just a ‘Hi there’ and a decent pick-up line.
We are no longer kids, and sex should no longer be a taboo topic for us. But to know that a five-year-old relationship is sustainable without any physical attachment is really an eye-opener. For this, I really admire Shrek’s discipline and SaSa’s determination- it’s not often you find couples like them nowadays. SaSa was pretty damn sure I wasn’t a virgin (when I joked that I was, she nearly choked on her ice-cream), so I can only conclude that only good-looking guys get laid- I am honestly expecting a ton of abuse from now on.
SaSa made another observation about me- I don’t really look at girls. Yes, I prefer to let them do the looking. I mean, I do look at Miss Y and everything, but even if you were my friend, you wouldn’t notice it unless I told you. She is only a stranger after all- I hate to give someone who treats me so insignificantly so much of my attention. For me to look at you more than once, there has to be something about you (ask Miss Y). But even so, I don’t smile at girls I don’t know (more like never) - I don’t know them after all. So, in all probabilities, Miss Y has no bloody clue I am madly infatuated with her.
Another observation they made all made about me- I am very frank. How frank? Well, let’s just say you will never find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement. I know I love to joke and pull pranks and all, but when I am serious, I am just that- I tell you stuff straight from the bottom of my heart. But to people I don’t really know (and I don’t really want to know), I can pretty assuming- I will most likely say things you want to hear (just to suit our conversation), mainly because I don’t give a shit how you feel about what I have to say. Then again, when I am playing soccer, you (stranger or not) can tell how much I dislike you by counting the number of times I try to dislocate your f*cking ankle. I am one who give as well as I take- so, bring it on! I know my frankness will come back to haunt me someday, and I am still waiting for that day to come.
It’s almost four now, and I have class tomorrow (but no Miss Y). So let me round things up with this wonderful definition of love (something I clearly lack at the moment) from ‘Stardust’.
You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
Just your heart, in exchange for mine- my hairy ass. 12 décembre The My December Entry
This is my December
Sometimes, we pretend that everything in our lives is perfect. Sometimes, we think that running away will mask the emptiness inside. Sometimes, we assume that the hand we are holding will definitely be our last. Sometimes, we believe that the love which is going to solve all our problems actually exists.
10 décembre The Three-Part EntryPart I – Sunday 9 December 2007 14:43 It was seven o’clock. It was a Sunday morning. It was drizzling. It should have been the perfect time to lie in bed and dream of Miss Y, but I had to go to school- some bloody make-up lesson. Going to school on a Sunday of all days- that has to be the mother of all firsts. Surprisingly, I was early- I thought class was suppose to start at nine, when it was actually suppose to be half an hour later. So, I sat in the lecture hall, listening to some My Chemical Romance, trying my best not to fall asleep.
Soon, people started coming in. More specifically, the girls started coming in. You see, as this was a make-up class, the lecturer combined a few classes together (to save his time). Hence, this particular lecture was held in one of the bigger lecture halls, and I was in a pretty good spot (for sight-seeing) since I was there earlier than most. Frankly, there are actually other girls in SIM besides Miss Y. I mean, when she isn’t around, and especially when I know she will not be around (as this will stop me from constantly staring at the entrances for a quick view of her before she settle in her seat), I tend to look around more (you know what I mean). For your information, girls, you don’t have to seek my eyes- my eyes will seek you. You don’t have to wear less clothes (than those chicks on the cover of FHM), walk past me seven times (in that seven-inch heels of yours), and fling that hair (like you are on some shampoo commercial) to get my attention. Love at first sight is pretty simple, really- either you have what I’m looking for, or you don’t. Example? Miss Y- she dresses rather plainly to school (compared to the other girls), but there is just something about her. Well, I still have no idea what it is, but when I do, I promise you’ll be the first to know.
And guess what? Yes, Miss Y walked into the lecture, and all of a sudden, it seems like there was only her in the entire place (at least to me) - it quite simply made my day. She looked at me as she walked pass- did I actually see a little smile from the corner of her lips? See, ladies, that’s how you do it. For a moment (that same moment when my heart skipped a beat), my thoughts drifted to a time when…Well, I am such a kid sometimes, I feel. Anyway, the loud screaming of ‘I don’t love you, like I did, yesterday’ by My Chemical Romance quickly destroyed any wild fantasies I might be having. Plus I was brought back to reality by the lecturer’s voice- so much for ‘making my day’. Now the harsh reality of sitting in a lecture hall on a Sunday morning finally kicked in, and I promptly spent the next three odd hours doing battle with some fearsome Z monsters.
So, now, I’m alone at home. It’s absolutely pouring- and I have just made myself a cup of hot tea and some spaghetti carbonara. Somehow, it felt kind of empty. I mean, the food’s great (of course it’s great- I made it myself), but it just didn’t have that taste I was looking for. Maybe Miss Y cuddling in bed with me instead of sitting in front of my laptop would help. Maybe. Just maybe.
Alright- I am going for my nap now- maybe Miss Y will cuddle me in my dream (yeah, you can laugh at me all you want).
Part II – Sunday 9 December 2007 22:19 It’s ten at night, and I am here to continue my blog (what else?). Saturday was spent with Ong Bak and Benitez at Orchard- and yes, it will be Ong Bak’s girl’s 21st birthday in two weeks’ time, and he was looking for 21 presents for her (I suggested Diaso- you can get 21 presents for only 42 bucks!). But I can understand why Ong Bak is doing what he is doing- love knows no boundaries. Seeing him now reminded me of all the shit I used to do to make her happy. Well, that’s the magic of love, isn’t it?
The three of us had plenty of time to catch up, partly because we took the train to town (Ong Bak’s late AGAIN), and while walking around we chatted quite a bit too, plus we hung out for an hour at Cineleisure before our movie started. I was the only single one, and listening to the two of them talk about their relationships, as much as I was envious of them, I was also pretty contented with my life right now. I mean, I had much more freedom than them. For instance, I need not inform anyone I will be catching a movie with my friends and hence will be home a bit late (just who exactly am I referring to?). Well, I feel the best thing about being single is that I need not share my world with another person. Whatever I choose to do, I only need to care about how I feel- I need not consider another person’s feelings beforehand, just simply my own will do. That is the freedom of singlehood I am talking about.
In hindsight, having someone out there caring about your existence is no doubt a pretty good feeling too. But there is always a price to pay. No relationship is without its fair share of quarrels and disagreements- Ong Bak’s and Benitez’s included. Hearing them out and offering them advice (from the perspective of someone who is ‘unattached’), well, that’s what friends are for, isn’t it? Conversations like these help to build our friendship, and it is so much better than forever talking about how shit Titus Bramble is or mocking the great Dirk Kuyt.
Well, there are certain conversations for certain group of friends. Say, I can tell JT all about Miss Y, but I cannot tell her how much I want to date her sister. I can tell Les about how great Fabregas is, but I cannot tell him to quit betting and clubbing. You get the idea? I could go on, but I don’t want to stir everybody’s shit. I kind of get the feeling that my friends are reading my blog only because they want to read what lies I tell about them on my blog- that is so not true. The truth hurts, but only true friends tell you the truth- remember that, ‘friends’.
A truth I learnt yesterday- ‘30 Days of Nights’ is a shit movie. The only scene worth remembering is the ending where Josh Hartnett made the ultimate sacrifice to save his girl. Frankly, I hate watching shit movies in cinemas; if I had watched it online, I would have closed that window like after ten minutes. Plus it would save me ten bucks. Plus it would also save me two hours of my life. Anyway, we agreed on the movie together, and I can only blame the distributors for selling such a piece of commercial crap. Then again, if I had watched it with Miss Y, I am sure it would have turned out to be a great film. I call this the power of love (more like the fact that we would be busy doing some serious ‘tongue battles’ half the time and at the end of the day, mistake the film to be as good as the time we had in the cinema). Which is why there will forever be shit films in theatres, as long as there are couples out there waiting to perfect their ‘frenching’ skills. That’s another truth for you, my friend.
Okay, it’s bedtime for me now (I am trying to get my body clock back to normal, with the help of some tequila nonetheless). Miss Y didn’t turn up in my dream in the afternoon, maybe she will now (a little ‘tongue-battling’ would be prefect)? Goodnight, everybody, and wish me luck.
Part III – Monday 10 December 2007 16:36 The rain just cannot stop, can it? It has been absolutely pouring every single day of the week. It only makes the days colder, and the nights lonelier. Anyway, last Tuesday night was spent catching up with Shrek (with Sasa) and DT at the latter’s place. The last time I had a real heart-to-heart chat was last November, when I just got back from Brunei. It’s been so long, it’s been too long. Talking to Shrek always makes my problems seem all the more insignificant- and I feel so bad sometimes b*tching about Miss Y and all. It really isn’t such a big deal.
In all honesty, Shrek has always been the most mature of the three of us- he has gone through so much more than us at such a young age. And I have always seen DT as the young, rebellious brother I never had (jokes aside, I always try to offer him some serious advice from the heart whenever I can, plus we are both as good-looking, only I am slightly taller)- so, you can say I have always believed DT to be the most immature of the three. But after that night’s conversation, I dare say DT has grown up (finally). Perhaps now, he can see the world clearer, and put into perspective what he wants from his life- well, life can never be an endless party. It cannot be all fun and success and happiness. Sometimes, we all have to go through a little setback, a little pain, to fully appreciate what we already have.
And for the first time, we had a heart-to-heart conversation about one of his ex, and at the end of it, we cannot help but agree that love truly blinds us all. It’s only when we allow ourselves to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, do we realise we have actually been screwed all this time. Okay, I just want to say here that all my past love (mutual break-up or otherwise) did really mean something to me. And it still do, and always will. But, when it’s over, it really is over- I hope I am speaking for the rest of you guys when I say I am way too good to be eating from the same patch of grass again.
Anyway, talking about relationships with Shrek and DT is such a refreshing experience, as we all have vastly different ideals and perspectives. As you all know, Shrek’s five-year-old relationship with Sasa is still going as strong as ever; DT has had more girlfriends than both Shrek and I can count [*]; and as for me, well, read my blog and you should get the picture. [*Just for your information, now that DT is a celebrity, I’m afraid I cannot reveal much about his current love life, except that he already has someone in mind, but not in heart, yet. Does this count as too revealing? Because frankly, I have say more (read: worse) things about more famous people on my blog before].
So, I was saying, as we get older, we all start to grow sceptical of love, and I believe that with age, the probability of us falling for a girl who doesn’t love us as much as she loved one of her ex increases exponentially. I feel it is only when young and impulsive can we love truly, madly and deeply, without any limits or strings attached. When we are older, we tend to love more maturely, in a more controlled manner, with less of the ‘take-the-plunge’ stuff. We learn to handle things better and take things easier, and we are more composed in the face of problems. But with all these, I suppose we all lose just that little bit of passion and that spark in our relationships. Say, our gifts will be more like an expensive Louis Vuitton bag and a dinner at a posh restaurant in town, rather than a dozen balloons (with a personally made card) flown up to her window and some sandwiches you learn to make yourself. Well, I guess this is only natural, no?
Then again, DT and Shrek believed that we should love her like she’s our first- love her with everything, do crazy things for her out of the blue, surprise her at her doorstep when she least expect you to. We should still put our mind, body, heart and soul (I can only understand the part on body) into each and every relationship, no matter how old we are. I would like to know I would be able to love like they say, but until Miss Y becomes more than just a face with a name attached, I guess I have to put that question on hold for the time being.
But there is one thing we agree on- the girl of our life may not be the most beautiful physically, but emotionally and intellectually, she as has to be better than most. There is a saying- to enjoy the same view from the mountain, she has to stand side by side with me at the same peak (I know it’s kind of deep, but then again, my blog isn’t made for bimbos, so, go figure). Anyway, we finally called it a day at five in the morning, after more than six hours of non-stop talking. Well, DT will be a pretty busy man from now on, and I wonder when our next six-hour conversation will be.
Well, well, well, I guess that is all for now. This has been one hell of an entry- it’s actually three entries combine into one. So, expect my next entry to be like in three weeks’ time, unless Miss Y once again decides to give me some material for my blogging. Meantime, you all take care and have a good holiday- I definitely will be enjoying mine, with or without Miss Y’s help.
Guess what? It is still raining.
9 décembre The I Just Cannot Find The Time EntryI really want to blog, but I just cannot find the time, can I? You know I don’t like to give half-arsed effort, but nowadays, I just cannot seem to find a good two, three hours in front of my laptop to pour out my feelings and thoughts- and trust me, there are tons of both this past week. Well, I hope tomorrow’s the day.
Some good things are just worth waiting for- for instance, my blog. Some better things are even worth dying for- for instance, me. 5 décembre The Christmas Card Entry
When I made the cards this year, the one thing that came to mind was- it has been a year! A year since I started this blog, and I tell you (for the 826th time), time f*cking flies. Last year when I made the cards, the theme was “Without You” and I choose a different colour for each one of my friends. Well, this year, I have decided on red for the ladies, and anything-colour-other-than-red for the gentlemen. I will be posting them in a couple of days, so, check your mailboxes!
2 décembre The Questions EntryIt’s that time of the night. No, not time to talk about Miss Y, but time to blog about myself, my life. My blog does not exist because of her, and my world does not revolves around her alone. Speaking of which, I see it as her loss anyway, and not mine, simply because I have no doubt I can love her as much, if not more than whichever asshole she is with currently. Well, there is only one way to find out, isn’t it? Sorry ladies- so far, only four of your kind have got the privilege of basking in my love. And frankly, the fifth one is not going happen anytime soon.
Girls used to be suckers for that tall, dark and handsome knight that might be a bad boy, yet is able to sweep her off her feet at the same time- that was my mum’s time. Now, all a guy need is a rich dad. Go on a date in your dad’s Z3 or S-Class, dine at a fine restaurant of a five-star hotel at your dad’s expense and pay with your dad’s supplementary platinum card- I am damn sure you will be able to “sweep” at least 99% of Singaporean girls off their feet. Yes, girls nowadays are materialistic, but who can blame them? Which girl wouldn’t want a good life? An easy life? Remember, “The Notebook” is all but a movie- a real life Alie would never have chosen a Noah in the 21st century (not even if he rows the boat to a distant ravine a hundred times; but if he builds her a hundred grand mansions at Sixth Avenue, she might just be “swept”…).
Look at it this way- if I am a girl, I would choose a pilot over a postman any day (no disrespect to the helpful guys who deliver my countless love letters). And guys are more materialistic too- I would date that divorced forty-year-old daughter of my future CEO at the drop of a hat. Everybody’s heart has got a price, so does mine. But at the moment, I’m fine. I do not need the money, and I enjoy being alone. So, my heart’s not for sale, yet.
Just the other day, a friend asked me why I am still single. You see, after reading my blog, he felt I sounded like a guy desperate for love. Well, for your information, I am not desperate. I just feel Miss Y is only a crush, a fairytale I get to enjoy no more than six hours every week. And that is all Miss Y is to me, nothing more. So, the hypothetical question beckons- what if Miss Y is single? Frankly, that is a thought I have entertained. And the answer would still be the same, and things between us would be no different from what things are right now. Why? Simply because I would still choose singlehood no matter what.
I always say I have no time and space for a girl in my life right now. I have my family, my friends, my soccer and my laptop. That may sound like an excuse to you, but it is a fact to me. A girl now would seriously disrupt my life- I would have less supper at night with my friends, I would watch less of Cristiano Ronaldo on screen and I would have less time blogging this wonderful blog of mine.
Well, hypothetically speaking, if I were to be with Miss Y, there is every chance she could be a high maintenance, ill-mannered, unethical bitch. I mean, who knows? Not every one is the way they look (I feel I’m a pretty good example), and we would end up breaking up after three days. So, isn’t it better to keep things the way they are right now? I could forever think of her as the princess of my dreams, and I would never have to know the truth (what you don’t know cannot hurt you). So, the next question- am I actually afraid of loving a girl?
I feel I am not someone to be afraid- not even of my dad (there is a fine line between respect and fear). But there is one thing that frightens me- say, if I date this girl who had her heart broken by the guy of her dreams, and no matter who I do, how hard I try, there is just no way in this life that I would ever replace that guy in her heart, or to make her love me more than she loved him. Yes, this thought scares the shit out of me. The pain, the desperation- I can only imagine. So, as I get older, the odds of my hooking up with such a girl greatly increases (you do the maths). Plus, what goes around, comes around. As you all already know, I have hurt SY rather badly in the past. And I have yet to have my heart broken (note: yet).
Maybe now I can understand why some girls can love their guy so deeply- I am not talking about loving his looks or money here. Just love the guy for what he is willing to do for you. I feel when the girl (who may or may not be a bitch) does really unreasonable stuff (PMS or not) and knows it, yet she sees her boyfriend completely understanding and giving in to her, she be won over in no time. She will basically give him her heart. That is something even a rich dad cannot buy his son- and that is called real love. But then again, that poor guy has got to suck it in (ala David Beckham) and endure a lifetime of torture. Am I such a guy?
If you ask me five years back, I was sure I wasn’t. That was the reason I left SY and in the process, scarred her for life. I was young and ignorant- I just felt I have passed the threshold of giving in, and I do not want to give anymore. If you ask me now, I think I can understand better the pain SY felt. She loved me a lot (though her unreasonable actions do not quite fit with her feelings) purely because I was able to tolerate whatever shit she gave me (until that fateful day). Till now, I still feel I am at fault, and I have to be responsible- as a man, I cannot say I love you today, and all of a sudden say I don’t tomorrow. I sincerely hope SY can love another guy as deep, if not deeper, than she once loved me- only then can I truly forgive myself.
So, I guess that is all I have to say tonight. I have spent a total of nine paragraphs on nothing but my usual thoughts and all. I honestly hope you have enjoyed reading what I wrote. Till then, do remember to think of what I say.
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