It’s been almost a week- I have been really busy. Well, school is still rumbling monotonously on as usual, and I am maintaining a ‘zero distraction’ stance (with regard to my studies) from now until the end of the year- meaning school is for books and books alone. I am going to quit fooling around. Well, the rest of my lifestyle continues as per normal.

Thursday night has just become a permanent supper outing for XP, Les and I after our fourth get-together in as many weeks. Friday night has also become a permanent soccer night, followed by supper at 651. Life is beautiful right now.

I attended another wake on Sunday- my primary school classmate David Liao passed away after losing his battle with cancer. Okay, the last time I talked to him was ten years ago, but I do remember him- a short, plumb, English-speaking lad with fantastic manners (I even kept the one and only photograph we took together). I am not saying this because he has now gone, but because it is a fact. Compared to me, he is everything a mother can ask for in a son and more. He is the type a girl will not think twice about bringing home to her parents- the same cannot be said for me. Then again, with my looks, I know the effect I have on girls when I am around them. Girls only bring the bad boys home for the night, but they marry the good ones- but whichever category I belong to, those who know me knows I am so much more than a face and a hairstyle (think: Miguel Veloso). Judge me after you have known me, not before.

So, I got the message about David from Eileen on Sunday morning. Life is fragile- after SSG Liew, I have learnt not to take anything for granted. I met up with JT (no, not Britney’s ex, not that JT) before making our way to the Garden of Remembrance. About twenty of my primary school friends were there- it was sort of like a mini class reunion (but the timing was a tad inappropriate). Our primary four form teacher (Miss SeeToh) was there too. The faces all looked so familiar, yet it felt so distant- we have grown apart in ten years. Not that we have been very close to begin with, but it just felt so nostalgic, so ‘just-like-the-good-old-times’.

Later only, some of us proceeded on to Lot 1 for some catching-up. It felt so awkward- partly because Eileen and JT weren’t there, and I was seated so far from JJ and Xiong. It’s not like I don’t know the people seated beside me, but what am I suppose to talk about with them? The weather? It’s not like at some darkly-lit pub where I can use some lame pick-up lines and would not live to face the consequences. These are people I have known for a decade. Well, that is partly why I blog- people I don’t see for a very long time can still know what is going on with my life, and at least we can find a common topic to chat.

To my surprise, a few of them are also studying at SIM (I have not seen one of them), others are at NTU and NUS, some have already graduated, a few are becoming teachers and there is a lawyer and a doctor among us. Looking at them, it donned upon me that time really flies. Blink of an eye, we are all working or going to start work soon. A few years later, we will be attending each other’s wedding. Another few years later, our kids maybe classmates in the same primary school. Another few more years later, they may wake up to find my son at their house spending the night with their daughters. Time flies. It’s incredible.

Speaking of which, I have two more Mathematics lectures left (Thursday morning), after which I will only be seeing Miss Y once a week for Sociology (*weep). In order to make up for her absence, I guess I will be going for a couple more Ladies’ Night at Phuture with Les (*cheers). No, I was just kidding. Zero distraction. Remember?

*That’s Okay- This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

*Thanks- A woman is thanking you. More often than not, she does not mean it, but do not question her, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

*Whatever- A woman’s way of saying “I hate you”.

*Fine- This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

*Don’t Worry About It, I Got It- Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, “What’s wrong?”. The woman will then say, “Nothing”.

*Nothing- This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually ends with “fine”.

*Five Minutes- If she is getting dressed, this means an hour. Five minutes is actually only two and a half minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch that soccer game before helping with the chores.

*Go Ahead- This is definitely a dare, not permission. Don’t ever do it!

*Loud Sigh- This isn’t actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about “nothing”.

I have been nicotine-free for two months and counting! Today’s jog felt extremely good (I was so fast, it is starting to become more like a run than a jog). Just finished some weights and push-ups, and I am now going to bath before cooking myself some spaghetti (yes, I can cook without ratatouille’s help, so eat your hearts out, ladies). I am starting to feel like Rocky I’m-gonna-eat-lightning-and-crap-thunder Balboa.

You know the actor and actress who played Noah and Allie in the amazingly romantic (cheesy to those that are tasteless) movie ‘The Notebook’? Yeah, Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Well, they have just broken up recently (click on the links to read more). I guess all good things must come to an end- who can forget their spontaneous kiss on stage after they won the ‘MTV best kiss award’? It goes to show that life is simply not a movie- everyone lies, good guys lose, and love does not conquer all. If my life had been a movie, I would have dated Natalie Portman when I was fifteen, went to Taiwan for a month with Lin Chi-Ling before I enlisted, and I will be typing this entry on my laptop with Maria Sharapova sleeping beside me. Anyway, below are a few lines from Noah to Allie (which, by the way, is the ultimate speech to land that dream girl of yours when you are at your wits’ end- girls are suckers for sweet-nothings).

Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.
Allie: What's that supposed to mean?
Noah: Money. He's got a lot of money!
Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.
Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.
Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.
Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fighting.
Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two-second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Allie: So what?
Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want? What do you want?

Update on Miss Y and me:

A girl not returning your phone calls or spreading rumours about you, that’s not girl trouble, just a pain in the arse. But to fall in love- that’s girl trouble.

I’m holding on your rope

Got me ten feet off the ground

And I’m hearing what you say

But I just can’t make a sound

You tell me that you need me

Then you go and cut me down

But wait

You tell me that you’re sorry

Didn’t think I’d turn around and say

That it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you

And I need you like a heart needs a beat

(But that's nothing new)

I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue

And you say

Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you

But I’m afraid

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I said it’s too late to apologize, yeah yeah

I said it’s too late to apologize, a yeah

I’m holding on your rope

Got me ten feet off the ground

~

Skipped class today- woke up feeling totally rotten, with an aching body and all. Must have been the jogging in the rain last night. Under the weather, because of the weather.

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

 ~

With a heavy heart (and I’m sure to the joy of thousands of girls out there), I have decided to move on. She is but another question mark out of so many question marks in my life- I will never know for sure if she is actually the one. But, I have finally decided- I chose happiness over a girl.

Being indecisive is just so not me.

This is my sister’s latest blog- kids nowadays change blog websites like we all used to change girlfriends (or boyfriends, depending on your personal preference). Anyway, her results are coming out today, and her entire holiday hinges on her results- anything less than an aggregate of 70%, she will not be able to touch the mouse or the television remote control for six weeks. And guess what? She spent the whole night crying in bed. At least she bothered to cry over spilled milk- her brother spent the whole night playing computer games. I told you, confidence is not something I lacked. Not even when I was twelve..

http://lil-miss-octo0pus.blogspot.com/

Am I in love? God…Every single time our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat- can you believe it? I am so not kidding. Can this actually be love? I mean, I know absolutely nothing about her other than her name- a name I attached to a face. Beyond that, I think I know her as well as I know Maria Sharapova. So, how is it possible that I, of all people, fall for a pretty face? Frankly, there are tons of more beautiful girls in school, yet only she manages to do to me what no other girl can- she makes me look at her twice (sometimes more). Is this what romantics call ‘love at first sight’? Or ‘Cupid’s arrow’? The way she looked at me, straight in the eye, (like today in lecture), I knew for sure time had stopped and there were only the two of us in the room. It has got to be Cupid. Without a shadow of a doubt. Damn.

You know, this sort of thing happened when we were younger- when we knew nothing about love. We were all just in love with the idea of being in love- it is called infatuation (or having a crush). But, now that I am a decade older, more experienced in this game called love, and incredibly, seeing this girl still makes my heartbeat irregular. It felt like I am falling in love for the first time. But, the doubt still lingers- is it really love? Or just a crush? I guess only time will tell- but in all honesty, it has been a good two months, and she is still the first and only one I look out for when class starts.

Sometimes I wonder, is she my Juliet? Or just another Rosaline in my endless search for my Juliet? Deep down inside, somehow, I feel she is the one. There has never been a lack of female companionship in my life for as long as I can recall, but maybe this time, just maybe, she is the final one. I don’t know- but who does? I am sure Ayu, Ong Bak, Benitez, Shrek and the rest of them have no idea too. Take the plunge, they will say. Been there, done that. And I know how it will feel when two people who used to share a life together have to break up- it will feel a hundred, maybe a thousand, times worse than what I am going through now. Trust me. You don’t want to know.

Well, I am going to share some intimate details about my past with you all tonight. I have four- yes, just four, relationships. But, only two of the four were single when I set my eyes on them. And yes, they left another guy for me- it is something I have always regret to this day. I know love is never fair, but I (and I hope all the guys out there) should never put ourselves in a position of breaking up another relationship. If she is already attached, walk away and don’t look back. Ever. I firmly believe that what goes around comes around- if she can leave another guy for me, she can leave me for another guy as well. I have yet to suffer that fate, but I know God always has a way of evening things out.

Seriously, I didn’t really spend much effort courting any of my four ex-girlfriends- the attraction has always been mutual. I suppose I am lucky in that sense- I don’t have to make someone fall for me. And this time around, there is something in her eyes that tells me she is my south pole and I am her north pole. Well, we shall see.

You know people always say it’s better to be friends first before letting anything serious takes place? Well, I thought with age and experience, I will be able achieve this. Then again, here I am, falling for her looks. Some things just cannot be changed or controlled- attraction and emotion respectively. I was virtually a stranger with all my ex-girlfriends before we were together- we never shared more than a few conversations together as friends (in fact, we weren’t friends at well- just schoolmates, acquaintances or friend of friend). On hindsight, I felt that loving someone and knowing her at the same time is not easy at all. I have always attributed not knowing them better before we took the plunge as the main reason for our eventual break-up. Therefore, I always tell myself, my next relationship has to be better planned and I have got to be more prepared than before. We should always learn from our past mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart, for that is the only way we grow up. Apparently, I haven’t learnt much, have I?

Okay, after writing so much, I still do not know for sure if it’s love or infatuation. Moreover, now is not exactly the best time for me to be falling in love- I just flung my Sociology test. I guess her presence in front of me during the test made my heart skipped countless beats, which in turn deprived my brain of much needed oxygen, and hence I was unable to think straight and thus my answers were very much affected- I call this the power of love, at its very best.

So, what are all you doing on this beautiful night? I have been having my beauty sleep the whole day (I slept for 14 hours straight, believe it or not) after my weekend’s exertions. My body’s still aching and I could really do with a (free) massage. There is no chance of it happening (certainly not tonight), so let’s just start with three guys paying a visit to Bukit Batok Nature Reserve at three in the morning.

That will be me, Les and XP. We had supper on Thursday night and it was a rather crowded night at our usual hangout. Les’s Roti John actually managed to sell out- thirty minutes after he ordered it, the chef realised he has ran out of bread. What else can I say? We waited for like eternity and it was two before we left. I wanted to head home, but Les suggested checking out the sights (such as the trees and the birds) at Bukit Batok Nature Park, and since it was along our way home and XP had no objections, I gamely drove there. I was hoping maybe I see a couple of familiar faces there with their girlfriends (namely Ong Bak, Ayu and Benitez), but I was utterly disappointed not to find any of them there counting the stars or basking in the moonlight. Then again, we did actually saw some couples there enjoying each other’s company (nothing serious- it was more NC-16 than R-21 to say the least). Well, we walked and walked and finally ended up doing pull-ups at one of the workout stations deep in the park. It was bloody crazy, and I doubt it will ever happen again- the next time I’m there, I will make sure I am going with a girl. And without sounding too confident, I can safely say we definitely won’t be doing any pull-ups there. The rest I shall leave it to your imagination.

By the way, before supper, I chatted on MSN with TJT- our first this year. Well, avid followers of my blog will remember TJT as the former classmate I mentioned in ‘The Boys Entry’. It still feels weird thinking I saw her for the first time in a decade. So, we were talking about Benitez (one of our few common friends) and life and all, and it seems to me Singaporean girls are a troubled lot. Without wishing to state too much (if my memory serves me right, she is someone fiercely protective of her privacy), TJT is overly pessimistic about what her future holds for her. I say, we should prepare for each day like we are to live forever, but live each day like it is our last.

Friday night was spent playing FICO with some old friends and everyone seems to be getting sick of soccer (everyone here refers to those who are attached). I feel playing soccer with my friends is no different from watching a movie or hanging out with them- but ultimately, the soccer has to be enjoyable, if not, I don’t see any point. And I can understand the need to balance work, books, friends, hobbies, family and girl. At the end of the day, I know none of my friends is going to marry me or a soccer ball, so I can understand where their priorities lie. All I can say now is three hours a week for my friends is something I can guarantee- even if my Friendster status is ‘In a Relationship’. Then again, you never know- to quote my idol Napoleon Bonaparte, ‘the best way to keep one’s word is not to give it’. Therefore, never underestimate the power of love over friendship, for I have seen first-hand its devastating effects.

I spent Saturday night studying at Ayu’s house before watching England upset France to reach the final of the Rugby World Cup. The only difference between the two sides was Johnny Wilkinson’s left leg. I am definitely watching the Springboks take on Wilkinson’s left leg next Saturday night. Anyway, driving home after the match was surreal- it was amazing how many people were actually awake at five on a Sunday morning. I saw an old lady searching for metal cans in the dustbin, another man having a light work out in the park below my block and finally, a player helping a (drunk) girl (who has trouble walking) from a taxi. It reminded me of someone. Ha.

The second of three ‘Js’ I want to mention here is a certain ex of my ex- Justin Timberlake. His movie ‘Alpha Dog’ is out and I have already seen it on DVD (as it was released way back in January in the States). If you guys don’t already know, it is based on a true story and Justin plays Jesse Rugge- all tattoo, booze, weed and hot chicks. I felt Justin put in a rather credible performance, or he may just be portraying his own lifestyle on the film (no wonder it was all real and natural). Well, I have to check with my ex to be sure.

Well, to round this entry up, I will give you a quote from another of my idols- Jay Chou. This was what he said when asked why he wouldn’t date himself if he were a girl- ‘Because I’m unreliable and too mysterious. There’s no sense of security.’ In short, he is saying he would not date a player. So much for the three ‘Js’ players, it is about time I go to bed (alone). Goodnight.

想到了第一次见到你
你有一种奇怪的魔力
我感觉到了自己偷偷想靠近你

想到了第二次见到你
感觉我并没那么高兴
因为我发现自己和你的距离

这是爱情还是你太美丽
让我作出不可思议的事情
我只知道我要看你开心
我什么都愿意 只要能够靠近你

我只好把我想说的话都放在心里
因为我只想要你开心
我知道我会辛苦也会难过
但我什么都愿意
不在乎狂风暴雨不管你在那里

我知道你和你的男孩有多么的甜蜜
所以我 才静静守着你
每一次看他紧紧拉着你手我眼泪不停的流
也只好默默退后
我什么都没说
静静忍住痛