One thing I have learnt over this Lunar New Year is that I have better start getting used to ‘adult’ questions from relatives that I see once a year, things like, ‘when are you getting married?’ and ‘your mum loves kids, when are you going to give her some grandchildren to play with?’. With all due respect, what’s so f*cking great about marriage? I mean, look at Britney Spears- it didn’t go so well, did it? And oh, I will get married after I turn thirty-five or when the f*cking condom breaks, whichever comes first. As for kids, I can always do a Brangelina and adopt some African kids with weird hairdo and sh*t, all right. So, stop worrying about me, dear aunties, and start worrying about the day you need a hip replacement or the old folk’s home your kids are going to put you in once you develop Alzheimer’s.

Now, after the New Year, things have more or less gone back to normal, well, at least for Liverpool. Anyway, since it is the New Year and everything, I shall spare my deluded friends a thought and refrain from ranting publicly ala the great bearded Spaniard (fact: in Rafa we trust). So, I have been spending tons of quality time on MSN with JT lately. I have to admit out of some many friends, she is only one who I am truly at ease with, and one who understands my thoughts without me having to express them, but she is taken and we are just really good friends who confide in each other (once again, shut up, Ben the man).

Through JT, I come to understand girls better, and in a way, I come to understand myself better as well, more specifically, what I look for in my future girlfriend (or the mother of my kids, whichever term floats your boat). Let me address Renoma Lady- we are friends, went out a couple of times, and unfortunately (or otherwise), things just didn’t work out for us (pretty much like why Robbie and Rafa just cannot get their sh*t together). For the sake of privacy, let us just say I am not what she wants (and vice versa), so that’s that- please stop spreading rumours and unsettling Ronaldo her, Roman Calderon Ong Bak.

Plus it is all a matter of timing, seriously. Call me commitment-phobic, but I am not really looking for mutually exclusive relationship right now. I am not into the idea of being owned by someone, you know; I prefer to look at girls and go, ‘come get me if you want, lady’. Frankly, what is the f*cking hurry? Like the great William Shakespeare once said,

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages.

In other words, girls are never a destination, just stops along a seemingly endless journey (or something to that effect). And for the record, just because I do not smile does not mean I am not happy, and simply because I do not cry does not mean my heart is not broken. Remember, we Aquarius may not always divulge our inner most thoughts, as we prefer to share our joys and sorrows with ourselves.

You know what I want.

All right, so this entry marks the last of any period of holiday (read: fun) I will be having for the next five four months. Fingers crossed, the next time I am having some fun, it would be with naked blondes on the beaches of the east coast of North America. So, I have talked the talk, and it is time for me to walk the walk.

I already know my dreams, here comes the chasing part.

God-speed.

Bright and sunny, back to my old routine- a good night’s rest and everything’s history. Anyway, I know this is kind of old news, but did you watch history being made on Tuesday night? I mean, he couldn’t even get the “that I will execute the office of the President of the United States faithfully” right, and he is suppose to be the messiah who saves the world from the Great Depression part II? May God help us. But I thought his ‘but we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist’ was kind of cool, just about the only quote I could remember from his speech. I was expecting something more, but oh well, I should have that disappointment was expectations’ best friend.

By the way, while the 44^th President of the United States was giving his inauguration speech, the stock market worldwide totally tanked- another sign of things to come? And so I heard our Finance Minister live while he enlightened us on how he planned to spend OUR MONEY this year, I cannot help but feel the doom and gloom. Like the Americans (and the rest of the world), our economy is really in sh*t right now, if you haven’t noticed. Well, if you ask me, a Resilience Package is not exactly what we need. Frankly, we need some rich Arab motherf*cker from the United Arab Emirates more than anything else- we Singaporeans are not as holy was I-belong-to-Jesus-Kaka and are willingly to accept any of the oil money bestowed upon us.

And oh, there is currently no blog song as suggested by zzz (she is a friend of Nala, and I am very sure she will like her nickname), because in her own words, ‘blogs with songs are merely imposing musical tastes upon others’, which kind of made sense. Our MSN conversation last night was genuinely fascinating, and how can you not enjoy talking to a someone who quotes Shakespeare’s sonnet 116, lists Depeche Mode, Cake and Chopin as her favourite musicians and knows how to curse in French (I am not sure if she is sh*tting me, but it is definitely something I want to believe). And oh, given that I am a firm ‘atheist’ when it comes to love, I rather enjoyed sonnet 116.

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove.

Definitely beats my usual player-ish quotes. Good morning!

So how was your Sunday? Mine was exceptionally boring (at first). I woke up at seven when half the world are still dreaming and went for a light 30-minute jog (not in the mood for Usain Bolt, not on a Sunday morning), came home and did my usual morning routine (bombed Pearl Harbour, the Straits Times, black coffee, American breakfast). Then it was the marathon study session (thanks to my weekend of fun at Genting last week, I was totally lagging behind in my schoolwork). Sad to say, I was home alone so I had to make myself lunch, after which I had a one-hour workout session in the afternoon. I then decided to pamper myself a bit, and logged onto the internet to check out my blog and my new comment box. This was when my Sunday became slightly more interesting.

Well, I met Renoma Lady on MSN. Renoma Lady (here and here) - the friend of Les whom I met while at Genting. And so began our mind games with each other, which lasted till nine in the evening, and with it my hopes of completing my last outstanding assignment. Well, the price one has to pay for knowing a chick better, but like the MasterCard advertisement, it was absolutely priceless. Okay, you guys know I really wish to be honest with you fine people, but at the same time I have to maintain a certain degree of privacy for myself. So, let us just say Renoma Lady and I are just taking the standard baby steps towards establishing each other’s closet of skeletons. Anything, I promise you will be the first to know, but remember the magic number is still thirty-five.

So, I just came back from another run. I know, it sounds crazy, almost as if I am training for a triathlon or something, but after the conversation I had with Renoma Lady, I really have a lot on my mind (decisions, decisions, decisions). I needed to take some time off to clear my head before embarking on the assignment I told you about. Anyway, let me introduce you to the topic of the entry tonight- relationship (I swear this was already what I had in mind while I was jogging in the morning and has absolutely nothing to do with Renoma Lady, okay).

As you know, I have been very lucky (or unlucky, depends on how you see it) with my friends so far in 2009. They have been confiding in me a lot (read: b*tching about their other half) and like the old cliché, I have to agree that loving someone is no bed of roses. In short,

-Nala has been having trouble disguising his player-ish ways as his sheep’s clothing is getting kind of small for his wolfish behaviour;

-JT has been suffering a lack of attention lately and yet at the same time she admitted that she could have been over-demanding of him;

-Shrek is still in love with a b*tch whom I absolutely detest;

-Ayu is still trying to figure a way to God’s heart as he tries to balance his affection for Liverpool SC and the Lord;

-Les is still trying to convince himself (and the whole bloody world) that the girl he loves loves him;

-Ong Bak is still having trouble controlling his dick at the first sight of a pussy.

So, relationship problems abound! One-sided love (Nala and his Edison alter ego), two-sided love (JT), three-sided love (Ayu and Liverpool SC and God) and multi-sided love (Ong Bak and whichever pussy he sets his eyes on). As you all know by know, these days, I am a total sceptic and cynic when it comes to the game called love. No, I was not always like that. But Father time has his own unique way of making you feel jaded and wearing you out on your ideals and principles on love and relationships, and so I have fallen prey to him. I mean, come on, how can you not waver when you are constantly faced with the harsh realities of relationship every single day. Look around you- you have to agree with me sometimes being single brings so much more happiness than being attached. Right, Les?

Anyway, there is this news article from a couple of weeks back goes True love can indeed last a lifetime: Study (The Straits Times, January 6 2009, A16). Brain scans have proven that a small number of couples can respond with as much passion after 20 years as most people exhibit only in the first flush of love, Britain’s Sunday Times newspaper has reported. The findings overturn the conventional view that love and sexual desire peak at the start of a relationship and then decline as the years pass. And then it went on and on with all the statistics and sh*t (like whatever).

First thing, the article agrees with me that courtship is definitely more appealing than the relationship itself. As for the rest, come on, give me a f*cking break! Small number of couples is such a broad term, it may very well mean one out of a billion couples. Like, what the f*ck? Speaking from my personal experience, it is impossibly difficult to recapture the first few magical blowjobs moments of the relationship, and given my limited attention span, it is truly impossible for me. But I used to be rather different- I remember I always enjoyed coming up with crazy ideas for the anniversaries and V-Day et cetera with my ex (my inspiration then usually came from romance films such as Love Actually and Serendipity), but only God knows what happened to me along the way.

So now, I am officially a firm non-believer in love and totally anti-Cupid. But along came Renoma Lady. God certainly has a way of toying with us. Who knows? She might be the cure for me, but well, only time will tell. Anyway, it has been so long since I had such a long entry, but…

You know you want me.

I did something very brave today- I added a comment box on my blog. I know tons of strangers and strange people read my blog, but they never care to comment using the Spaces option, as they would have to sign in and everything, and ultimately I have control over whether to publish their comments or not. So, this comment box is the perfect opportunity for them to spam and provoke without disclosing their identity, and it is also perfect for those friends whose blogs’ comment boxes I have been using to stir their sh*t. However, being an honourable man and a firm believer in the freedom of speech, I have decided to ‘live by the sword, die by the sword’. So, bring it on, you Liverpussies!

I didn’t know John Lennon’s vocals can be that soothing, therapeutic even. See, this afternoon I was working out at home (my most rigorous session ever since I recovered from my flu) and listening to Yellow Submarine, Yesterday, Let It Be et tal, and msn-ing my lovely friends who were hard at work. I know I have not been really active on MSN the past few months, but like what DT told me, it’s one thing to pursue your goals and dreams, and another to neglect your friends while doing so. So, these past few weeks, I have spent my time catching up on the phone with Ayu, bonding with Les and Ong Bak at Genting, listening to Nala’s and his relationship problems and gossiping with JT as well.

So, this afternoon, I was chatting with three ladies who were in their respective offices, namely Tigress, JT and Honey, and all of them were toiling till like almost seven- working life truly sucks. And I thought it was TGIF and everything, heading down to Zouk and brandishing all the stressful vibes from your body; but they were all dead-beat, had minimal plans and sounded truly jaded. Well, I guess that’s what working life does to you.

Lately, I have a lot on my mind, especially so after hearing from my friends all their problems- problems as in boyfriend-girlfriend problem, not the trying-to-push-through-a-USD$750million-bail-out-plan-before-your-inauguration type of problem. But I suppose we all have our own sh*t to deal with, no? And did you know, these past five weeknights, I have been tuning in to Class 95 but there was no deejay around from nine o’clock onwards. I think Yaz is on holiday or something, and they could not find anyone to fill her place on Love Songs Confidential. But they could do a lot worse than invite me, you know- I can always dish out expert advice on relationship issues. And oh, instead of the sh*tty cliché like ‘Love is to give everything and ask for nothing in return’, I can quote classic such as ‘A morning of awkwardness is always better than a night of loneliness’ and sh*t like that. Come on, Class 95, it’s time to change your theme- this city deserves a better class of criminal player.

So, my intuition was proven right once again- Renoma Lady (from the Genting trip) is in fact into yours truly over here. All right, I do find her kind of cute as well, but looks aside, I cannot accept a girl who is a member of Zouk. I mean, you can don’t know how to give a good blowjob (like so many of my ex), you can don’t know how to cook (according to Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie’s best breakfast is cereal) but you cannot enjoy getting up close and personal with guys you don't know every Wednesday night. That I cannot accept, so sorry my Renoma Lady, perhaps in another place, in another time, who knows?

Well, since my intuition has been pretty spot on so far this year, let me give you some more of my intuition. If my intuition is right, Tattoo Girl is into me as well but she is too shy to say so, but all I need to do is scribble my number on her lecture notes and she’s all mine. If my intuition is right, Miss Y is one deprived girl stuck in a loveless relationship with a donut-loving jerk with a pencil dick and secretly longs for the charming guy from her accounting class with a twelve-inch dick. If my intuition is right, Sheena is one simple lass trying to act hard-to-get 99.9% of the time but in reality, all you need to do is lick her ear and she will take her thong off for you.

Well, it’s time for me to go visit Megan Fox. You people sleep tight okay, and JT, my thoughts are with you- in another place, in another time, who knows what would have happened between us?

I had an 8.30am class with Sheena-Baby, but guess what? I woke up at six for a jog. See, it’s all part of the plan to achieve my New Year’s Resolution #3- I have promised myself I would do either cardio or weights every single morning for the rest of 2009. Well so far, I have kept to it, save for the couple of days I was in Genting and the subsequent two days when I was under the weather. Jogging in the morning is good, not as strenuous as my night jogging routine, but jogging on an empty stomach burns more calories, plus I had a couple of sticks of Marlboro when I was up among the Malaysian clouds and my lungs needed some cleansing.

And it is always nice to wake up early and get your day going. I only told you what I like about clubbing (whisky, weed and women), but one thing I really hate about it is the morning after when I wake up at three in the afternoon and the world has already completed half their adventures. Well, typically after a hard night’s out, I wake up before seven and sneak out of the girl’s home while her parents are still in bed and take the cab home to continue my beauty-sleep, but you get the picture.

I headed down to the neighbourhood park opposite my block where there is this path specially constructed for jogging, and frankly, jogging in the morning is a definite ego-booster- lapping those slow-ass aunties endlessly makes me feel like Usain Bolt of Choa Chu Kang. Then I did a couple of sets of push-ups and sit-ups before heading home. I bathed, had my coffee, read the papers and left for school- that is what I term the ideal start to the day for me, and long may it continue.

So, back to the Big Three, like I have promised last night. Due to a bout of flu, I missed Monday’s class, but I guess I missed Tattoo Girl even more. She is after all the best part of my Monday, and I wondered if she missed me as much as I missed her. As for Sheena, she is most definitely pissed at me for revealing her inner most thoughts- well, there is pettiness, and then there is Sheena’s pettiness. What more can a man do? I have already offered my apologies. But Miss Y, the Empress Dowager of this blog, is slowly but surely back to becoming the flavour of the month. I don’t know why, but lately, her passing glances have been morphing into full-fledge marathon electrifying ogling sessions. Maybe it was the shirt I wore the other day, the one which exposed half my nipples. Well, I didn’t know innocent little Miss Y has a fetish for nipples- she must be breast-fed then.

Anyway, I got to run- K-Fad is waiting for his tuition teacher who overtakes grandmothers while jogging and wears nipple-revealing clothes to school. So long!

Apologies, for this is my (belated) first entry of the year. First things first, I just want to say a big hello to you people out there who may not know me personally but enjoy reading my blog nonetheless- thanks for the support. And ladies, the next time you see me in school, come over and give me a hug or something- I promise to keep my erection in check; as for the guys, I need neither your support nor hug, so f*ck off. And oh, Sheena, if you are reading this, I just want to say I am really sorry about what I said the last time round, and I would like to take back my words. I totally love your dress sense, and if you could dress as little as possible for tomorrow morning’s economics class, my dick would be most grateful. And I am sure my dick will not be alone.

So, I went on a short trip to Genting over the weekend and came back with a bad case of flu. Well, the last time I was there was more than eight years ago, so the place had certainly changed a lot from what I remembered. But the theme park was surprisingly still the same, and so were the rides- it no longer carried any more excitement sitting on them again. It is like getting your first blowjob- after the first one, all of them feel quite the same. But I have to say, the anticipation while waiting in the queue, that was something I have not had in a long time, ever since I got back from Ocean Park with Ayu. Queuing up for the ride was unquestionably more fun than going on the ride itself- not that I am surprise. Like I have said, sometimes the courtship is much more enjoyable than the relationship itself- wise words indeed.

But it was Les’s first time on the rides, and to say he was a pussy would be an insult to the word pussy. And by the way, did I tell you Les won the Ugliest Hairstyle of the Year for 2008? Well, he just won the Ugliest Hair of 2009 as well- I swear even my pubic hair looks ten times better. Anyway, I made a couple of new friends on the trip, but nothing too serious, not friends that I would be seeing anytime soon. But I have to say it was fun while it lasted. And I had my very first Dunhill Menthol Lights for 2009 among the Genting clouds- you don’t say.

Well, the main thing I learnt from this trip (other than the fact that Malaysian chicks do not like to shave) was that casino is truly a very, very sinful place. Believe it or not, it was my first trip into a proper casino (gambling dens notwithstanding), and the sight was indeed breath-taking. We reached Genting at three in the morning, checked in, had some Big Breakfast and hit the casino right away. And at five in the morning, there were thousands of people in the casino- in all honesty, I was expecting a dozen or so people so I could practise my card-counting skills at the blackjack table. But f*ck me, at five in the morning, there were actually more people gambling than sleeping.

And amid all the chips and cards, I observed something, something very subtle yet very apparent. I saw the greed of man, and I saw lives being destroyed- I can already picture in my head the very same thing happening once our casinos open at Sentosa and Marina Bay. Now I can fully understand why the Government put off opening a casino for so long- the damage to society as a whole was just immense. See, these people, they are not like me, who bet like RM10 or RM25 just to pass the time and accompany my friends, friends who think they are Yan Fei and Yan Kun. To them, a RM500 chip is like a piece of plastic (in every sense of the word), and they are either f*cking rich or they are f*cking crazy. Out of so many gamblers in the casino, tell me honestly how many are actually making a profit? If that is the case, then I would not be bothered doing my degree now, would I? And nobody would ever choose to drive a taxi now, would they?

I lost RM200, but it was money I was already prepared to lose- I mean, if everybody won, the casino would be out business now, no? But the experience and the insight of it all was well worth that amount, if not more. Money that comes easy, goes easy- that is a principle I have always lived by. Contrary to popular beliefs, I have always worked hard for my money, be it carrying plates around or teaching algebraic equations. The only thing my parents pay for is my studies (even the occasional trips to the abortion clinic come from my own pocket, and so was this short getaway to Genting if you are wondering), and I am not given a car simply because I want one- in fact, I have no qualms taking the public transport.

Therefore, my point is- no matter what, the house always win. And oh, did I tell you the last thing she said to me was ‘Renoma’? Let us just say I am one who leaves things to fate. By the way, it has been one whole month since my last entry on the Big Three, so you know what to expect next.

Meantime, you know you love.

XOXO

GH